#i cannot stop thinking about the sos signals. im losing my mind.

[theartofmadeline]

yes i'm still thinking about the botw champions in 2024

[azucanela]

Dating korra would include

BEING KORRA’S S/O[GENDER NEUTRAL]

BEING ZUKO’S S/O | BEING SOKKA’S S/O

SUMMARY: life with korra from confession to marriage

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

WARNINGS: no major spoilers 

A/N: SOMEONE WITH T A S T E, i hope you don’t mind but i kinda just did the same thing i did for my zuko headcannons so feel free to scroll straight to the during the relationship bit if you just want dating korra h/c :D 

also i have 300 followers now what, i literally had 200 like yesterday hi everyone <3 um i really need to start pulling out all the stops

GETTING INTO THE RELATIONSHIP

she’s a simp.

that’s it. thats the headcannon. she has literally liked you since she met you and has said nothing, but you probably know since she’s so damn OBVIOUS ABOUT IT

korra is very in tuned with her emotions so when she realizes she likes you she’s pretty okay with it, a little more flustered during your interactions, but after a while her goal is to make you feel how she feel which is flustered.

she has no shame though, she knows she is hot and she wants you to know she thinks you are hot

lots of flirting on her end, so naturally you kinda begin to think she is joking and think nothing of it

this was not her intent, and now that you are desensitized to her flirting and not reacting flustered like you did when she first started she is frustrated™

you were not understanding that she very much likes you

stupid

she hasn’t said anything outright to you about it though, which is the main reason you are like lol this is a joke, my crush fake flirts with me i am okay

spoiler alert: you are not okay with this it hurts ow

so now shes getting ridiculously affectionate with you, which, tbh, she always was, but not its RIDICULOUS, korra is out here throwing an arm around your shoulder, randomly grabbing your hand, kissing your cheek

shes trying really hard to get her point across like really really hard

like painfully hard

if she likes you its probably because your fun, like you really spice up her life and introduce her to new things and go on really dumb adventures and really important missions with her and you put up with her and wow now korra is simping oops

you’re also probably forcing her to stay healthy, since i honestly think that despite having such an appetite, korra will forget to eat and take care of herself sometimes.

she is so bad at drinking water i swear to goD

there are two situations here

situation one is where korra finally realizes that you CANNOT READ SIGNALS AT ALL and decides she going to be upfront with you about her feelings

she’s either going to just flat out kiss you next time she sees you or spill all her emotions, of both in no particular order

you’re like reading in your room in the air temple, just vibing, and you see her coming towards you with a determined look on her face and you’re like ??? lol okay

you go back to reading only to have her hand reach under you jaw and she brings you into a kiss and now you’re like LOL OKAY

you honestly think that this is just another one of her stunts to get you flustered and means nothing

stoopid

and then she pulls apart and just starts spilling her feelings and you’re like :O omg me too 

and she’s like, “great, we’re dating now.” and suddenly she’s kissing you again, and between kisses you’re like, “im sorry what?”

“you heard me. do you have a problem with that?”

you just kiss her again

situation two is where you get sick of her and realize woah she may or may not be in love with you and so you confront her, and now there is a lot of yelling because you are frustrated™ and like screw you korra

you honestly think she is either madly in love with you and just doing this as a joke, and you genuinely think the latter is more like so you lowkey start crying and korra immediately begins to panic

she’s like, “why would i ever joke about that! i’ve literally been trying to get that through your thick skull this whole time!”

this time you kiss her first and korra is throwing a party in her head but she also feels really bad for making you cry oops

DURING THE RELATIONSHIP

okay so korra happens to be very much a simp

and you happen to be very much the mom friend™ it doesn’t matter if you are a boy girl or none of the above, that is your trademark my friend

she’s very affectionate and now that the two of you are dating she is at a whole new level.

important meeting? you are in her lap she does not care. war meeting? she is cuddling you as you explain the plans of attack and DAMN DO YOU LOOK GOOD DOING it

since being the avatar is MUCH more a political position now though, she does try to keep your relationship slightly on the down low, even before you were dating, you both had reporters constantly asking about your relationship and she doesn’t really like that

they are nosy and she does not approve. korra understands wanting to know about her avatar duties, but anything outside of that in regards to her personal life annoys her

loves kissing you, and when she does it tends to be intense and passionate. after a particularly tough day though, her kisses can either be slow and sensual because she just wants to have a nice soft and domestic day with you

OR

they can be harsh and almost brutish, she will get rough with you because she is highkey pissed at everything that day and making out you with is her stress reliever

really likes cuddling and anything domestic in general. she’s really happy with you, and she kinda has all the love languages

she seeks validation when the press is particularly harsh since being the avatar is HARD and as much as she wants to, she cannot please anyone, so please tell her she is doing amazing

so many acts of service up in here, she will randomly do stuff for you, spontaneity is kinda her vibe ya know

very vocal and expressive about her feelings, communication is key with her

arguments aren’t a rarity tbh, but when they do happen they tend to be more of debates over little things like what’s better, pineapple pizza or no?

major fights tend to end poorly since she can be a little stubborn when it comes to such things, but she will admit she was wrong and apologize IF she was wrong

if she wasn’t wrong but the argument got out of hand, she’ll apologize for that but will affirm her correctness

kiss her scars, she has them, and she is proud of them but 

support her at her pro bending matches and she will DIE, so happy, literally sososososososo happy, hugs you, loves you, yes

treats you as an equal no matter what, even if people think that as the avatar she should see herself as something more than

very protective of you.

like if someone flirts with you, she is clingy x10. if someone hits on you despite your protests, she HITS them. if someone threatens to hurt you, she promises to end them. 

MARRIAGE N STUFF

WELP

she’s gonna realize she wants to propose when she almost loses you, or in the middle of a battle. when the reality of potentially losing you hits her she is gonna realize she wants to live out the rest of her life by your side, protecting you

situation one is where she literally, in the MIDDLE OF BATTLE, without a ring, just proposes. you are being a baddie, bending if you are a bender, fighting the opposing enemy, looking MIGHTY FINE while doing it

“marry me.”

you falter, nearly getting hit as your head whips over to her and you’re like, “ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

and she throws a giant rock at the opposition, temporarily indisposing them, “yes?? why wouldn’t i be.”

Someone comes up behind you and you elbow them in the face and ram your foot into their knee, knocking them down, “RIGHT NOW?” 

she throws a whip of water in your direction and you dodge it, allowing her to take out the enemy behind you, and you throw a whole dagger at her to do the same. “that was close.” she narrows her eyes at you bc you lowkey look like you wanna kill her rn as you two hide behind a barricade for cover and an explosion washes over it, “you could’ve killed me.”

“you just about gave me a heart attack when you PROPOSED two minutes ago, need i remind you.”

korra raised a brow at you, “is that a no...?”

“do you even have a ring?”

korra gives you a look that gives you the answer and you groan, “i cannot believe you.”

“you really should’ve expected this.”

“i know.”

“i get to pick the ring then?”

“you’re probably going to plan the whole wedding.”

“alright.”

theres a boom from beyond the barricade you two have hidden behind as korra looks to you, “alright?”

“i’ll marry you.” you elaborate, giving her a bright smile.

situation two is more depressing lol

you have been SHOT oops, don’t die pls because korra CANNOT handle it after everything that has happened to her, so if you die she’s done

she’s kinda just sitting at your bed side and it hits her that you could die basically any day now, and she would have so many regrets

she wished she kissed you more, told you she loved you more, held you longer, spent more mornings with you and your bedhead, she wished she learnt to cook so that she could surprise you with a meal when you get home from a long day of work, she wishes she did a lot of things

she wishes you two were married.

korra is now having an existential crisis, and everyone is telling her that she has to go home, get some rest, you’ll wake up eventually, you’ll get better, but you don’t wanna wake up to korra being a mess

she knew they were right, you always scolded her for not taking care of herself, so she decided to follow some of their wishes

Korra cannot bring herself to go home, there are so many reminders of you that it hurts, and she kinda just decides she’ll stay in a hotel and wash up and such.

besides, you are her home.

after leaving the hotel, she ends up going the jeweler and buying the ring she believes screams you

when korra returns to the hospital, she contemplated proposing right then and there, before realizing that you’d probably yell at her for choosing such a ridiculous time and you already had a lot on your plate

once the two of you return home and you are in the midst of recovery, she did learn to cook, so you wouldn’t feel the need to do so, and given your situation she fears you’ll injure yourself further in the process.

you two are eating dinner and you’re babbling on about something you’d read, and she suddenly decides to get up and walk over to you, leaving you like ???

then she gets down on one knee and you are like :O

she’s like, “marry me.”

naturally, you start crying and nodding because wow this is such an intimate moment and just happiness

kissinggggg after that 

the wedding is, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE public, the most private and intimate wedding ever. korra hates reporters after her life as the avatar, she doesnt want strangers at her wedding.

any and everyone she has ever fought beside is there though, its wholesome and nice

definitely cries when she sees you at the altar

her vows are MASTERFUL AND TEARJERKING 

its a pretty basic wedding though, unless you prefer something over the top, the food is nice a mix of both your cultures and favorite things and there’s beautiful lighting

definitely done on air temple island, and tbh tenzin would probably walk you down the aisle because i said so

married life with her is even better, she lives for he domesticity of it all, especially lazy sunday mornings with the light filtering in and you just looking all pretty and having a lil fun

iykyk

honeymoon in the spirit word lads

bolin is your number one supporter

life with korra is a 10/10 i do recommend it

A/N: im kinda in love with korra lol this requests made me happy

[snowboiwinwin]

can i req for victon reaction when bff! s/o constantly confessing but they think of it as a joke until s/o distances and gets close w another member 👉👈

pls make it a fluff i dont want to cri lmAo

+ im so sorry if this is so detailed sksbskdm

+ take ur time and thank you!

Hi love! 🥰 Thank you so much for your request, I really appreciate it! I’m sorry it took me quite a while to finish this... I’m also sorry if they’re all repetitive! I hope you like it though! ��

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Seungsik:

i find it quite hard to figure this guy out tbh

obviously he is super kind and sweet, but i have no clue how he would react with his best friend confessing

as a friend he is  reliable, honest and very supportive

he is just a great shoulder to cry on

not someone to belittle you or not taking your worries serious

so obviously you fall for him... he is your rock

although he is the oldest and knows a bit about love

i think he would ignore every single signal you send him

like he would be absolutely oblivious and have no clue about your feelings

your confessions? he thinks they are a crazy prank you pull on him

and that really frustrates you... it also hurts ngl

so you decided to take a step back and try to get your feelings under control

but to no avail

Byungchan, the only one of the bunch who is able to tell you’re in love with their leader, tries his best to help you through this heartbreak and somehow manages to distract you with his funny antics

when Seungsik notices you coming over to the dorm less and less and Byungchan always talking about you... he starts to feel weird

maybe jealousy? he really doesn’t know

so he confronts you one day, as he is not one to get into conflicts with his children, and he does that in a very calm and mature manner

no screaming or shouting, just two grown-ups having a serious talk

again, you tell him;

“Seungsik, I. Am. In. Love. With. You! Can you finally be a grown-up about it and stop laughing at my face, accusing me of ‘pranking’ you?!”

he would be soooo taken aback cause

you love him? for real? tf? when did that happen?

but after the initial shock, he is quite relieved 

“I thought you were dating Byungchan... you almost broke my heart.”

you slap his shoulder lightly, crossing your arms and pouting

“you broke my heart first with you constant rejection!”

I’m sorry... but if you would let me, I would love to be your boyfriend. Cause I love you too.”

Seungwoo:

this baby would be SO confused

you constantly want to talk to him in private and then just say “i love you”

he will always reply with an “i love you too” and a big smile on his face

that you are actually confessing... well he really doesn’t get it

he thinks it’s just your way of platonically saying that you love him

and you might be too shy to say that in front of the guys

soooo yeah, he thinks you’re just being his great friend, making him feel loved

he obviously appreciates it and does not understand why these private conversations always seem to ruin your mood

Hanse is the one who kinda notices your sour mood whenever you had a talk with his bro

so of course he confronts you about it and you tell him the whole story

if anyone knows Seungwoo, it’s definitely the boys

and Hanse has actually great advice for you... or so you thought

“Seungwoo is VERY oblivious. Sadly, you will have to think of a grand gesture, or else he will just think of it of something friendly and platonic. Even if you would surprise him naked on a bed of roses... he would still be confused and not get that you’re in love with him.”

how are you supposed to do this? what kind of gesture is grand enough?

Hanse is no help in coming up with an actual plan, don’t get your hopes up

therefore you just go with the flow and ask yourself “what feels right?”

food is apparently the key to the heart, so you settle on a romantic picnic, at night!

Seungwoo is obviously surprised with how secretive you act and what brings you to the park at night

but when you sit him down and tell him sincerely about your plan and what made you do all of this

he is speechless

mind: blown

he did not see that coming

but after the initial shock has set in, he surprises you with a big smooch

“I love you too. Romantically as in my girlfriend.”

Chan:

he would know

and it wouldn’t be a secret that he knows

you have talked to him about it plenty of times

but when he explained that he doesn’t want a relationship just yet, you understood

putting labels on what you guys have, is making him anxious

he knows he can’t be there like a boyfriend should

so knowing he isn’t your boyfriend, pressured him a lot less

you promised you would wait until he was ready and that’s what you did

sometimes it got really frustrating and you tried to distract yourself by hanging out with Seungsik

he is such calm and gentle guy, not hyper like the rest (minus Hanse)

so most of your days are now spend with the leader, obviously very friendly dates, you are not looking for another guy to mess with your feelings

Chan of course noticed how you hung out more with his member than with him

and suddenly he started to fear losing you

because let’s be real, Seungsik is beautiful and he has a great personality

Chan then looked for Sejun and asked him for advice

he feels stupid - how can he say he isn’t ready for a relationship and then be jealous of you hanging out with other guys?

that is not fair on you at all

“channie! you are in love. we know, i know, everyone knows. why are you like that? go and get your lady, please!”

and although he wanted nothing more than to punch Sejun in the face, he decides to finally make your guys’ relationship official

when you arrive at the dorm, it’s show time

“Hey... I don’t wanna beat around the bush... I’m ready.”

“Ready for?”

“Ready to be your boyfriend.”

“What if I’m not ready to be your girlfriend?”

“Don’t mess with my feelings.”

“Joke, let’s make out.”

“I already regret it.... but hey, I love you.”

Sejun:

soooo you guys are a very special pair of friends

you guys have been inseparable since birth

but along the way, you guys decided to become friends with benefits

the rule: no catching feelings

and it worked out fine

until you kinda developed a small tiny crush on the beautiful man

but obviously this is a secret - you don’t want this arrangement to end

Sejun has also developed feelings but obviously you are not aware of that either

both of you are quite oblivious 

due to your guys’ arrangement, you never got your hopes up

but although Sejun fulfilled your needs, you still craved for love

and Chan was seemingly offering you that kind of love

you aren’t sure about that yet, but he has asked you out on a coffee run (date)

when Sejun found out, he was furious

because yes, you aren’t his girlfriend and no one knows you guys are sleeping with each other...

BUT how dare Chan make a move on his bestie?

and love of his life... tf?

after your date with Chan, which was so beautiful

you got a message from Sejun

typical booty call

kinda sad and hurt, you still walk towards the boys’ dorm

Chan is quite surprised to see you yet again but doesn’t ask too many questions

Sejun is already in his room, more than ready to get right into the chill part of netflix and chill

this time it feels different though

as if he is more caring

he handles you a lot gentler than usual

and is constantly asking if you’re okay

not that he usually isn’t caring but he is not as aware of your feelings during the process

after you guys are finished, he pulls you super close

also very unusual

after a while just cuddling, he finally speaks up

“I think I’m ready.”

“For what?”

“To go a step further.”

“... you wanna try anal?”

“WHAT?! NO!!! I wanna date you, you dumb idiot.”

“Okay, works fine by me. I wanna date you too.”

“Great, now shut up and kiss me.”

Hanse:

he is so in love with you

absolutely head over heels in love

but he does not dare to say a word

to him, he is bad news and you definitely deserve better than him

but that’s bullshit cause Hanse is god-like

his confidence hits an all time low when it comes to you

with you it’s different

when he is with you he feels loved, he loves himself and he just enjoys your presence

Hanse knows whenever he hangs out with you, there is no judgement and he can be himself

so obviously he is in love with you, how could he not?

but there was Sejun, the attractive hulk

Hanse loves his friend but the way you look at him and how you always seem to hag out with him, makes Hanse feel sick

he isn’t one to be jealous though

you deserve all the love and happiness

even if he isn’t the reason for it

for you, Hanse was never more than a friend

but nowadays, the way he carries himself, you do kinda feel attracted towards him

and as Sejun is a naturally flirty guy, you go to him and ask him if he has noticed anything different about Hanse and how you can try and steal his heart

unfortunately Hanse overhears your conversation

and let me tell you

HE IS SO HAPPY

he can’t get rid of the smile on his face

but he doesn’t say anything and walks to his room, happily swinging his hips

after your talk with Sejun, you decide to go home but not before saying by to Hanse

as you walk into his room, he immediately pulls you into a tight hug

“I love you so much. I heard everything you said to Sejun and I can’t even put into words how happy I am. I love you, so fucking much, please let me be your boyfriend.”

“I want nothing more than for you to be my boyfriend. I love you too Hanse.”

Byungchan:

i feel like it’s a regular occurrence for you guys to prank each other

so obviously when you tell him you love him more than a friend, he bursts out laughing and asks you where you hid your camera

this is obviously very frustrating

how on earth are you supposed to tell him about your feelings in a serious setting, when nothing you guys ever do is serious?

after various tries, you decide to give up 

you cannot waste your time when he clearly isn’t that interested in you

so you distance yourself and spend more time with Subin

Subin is quite the opposite of Byungchan

he is way calmer and more relaxed than your best friend

it’s a nice change

Byungchan notices how you start watching YouTube videos with Subin instead of him

which he doesn’t care about at first, cause you are allowed to have other friends too!

but when all you ever do is hanging out with baby Subin... he feels horrible

and he gets mad

and he acts on impulse

he is usually very peaceful an solves arguments ina calm manner

but when he sees Subin, he immediately starts to accuse the boy of stealing you from him

Subin is take aback at first but then turns furious as well cause he is well aware of your feelings for the lanky giant

“If you weren’t an idiot that constantly reject her, you wouldn’t need to cause such drama!”

“What do you mean? I am not rejecting her?”

“But you are! She is so in love with you and all you ever do is laugh in her face! Imagine how she feels.”

Byungchan is shook

so he immediately calls you and arranges a meeting

all this time you confessed you were actually serious?

he feels so horrible

he never meant to put you through all of this

before you can even greet him, he smashes his lips against yours and kisses you as if his life depended on it

“Woah, what was that channie?”

“I love you. And I know you love me too. I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise!”

“I love you too. I’m so glad you finally know.”

Subin:

i’m so soft for Subin

he is such a cutie

he is very young, so I think he might not really know that he is feeling butterflies in his stomach and not just the food he is digesting 

telling his hyungs about how he feels weird around you nowadays and them being like: our baby is in love!, has him confused

is he really in love?

you bet he googles his “symptoms” to see, what the internet says about all of this

and good news: all the sites tell him, he is indeed in love (with some expectations but he trusts his hyungs)

but how is he supposed to tell you?

to him you are this unreachable goddess he will never be good enough for

he is a baby, there are more mature guys out there that are far better for you than him

especially Chan

he is also your friend, you guys get along so well

and while Subin is happy you love his friends as much as he does

it breaks his heart little by little every time he sees you with his favorite hyung

little does he know that Chan knows how in love he is with you

it’s not like Sbin tries to be subtle at all

but you are so focused on your friendship, you don’t realise all the little things

so one day Chan sits you down and asks you a bunch of stupid questions

“Don’t you think our Subinie is super sexy nowadays?”

“He is definitely boyfriend material.”

“I would love you two to date!”

Subin walks into the dorm and overhears you guys

he is so embarrassed 

so he storms in and drags you into his room with no words spoken

“what was this all about?”

you ask confused

“I think I might be in love with you.”

Subin stutters, cheeks and ears tinted red

you smile softly and press a sweet kiss to his pouty lips

“good thing i might be in love with you too.”

“WHAT?! FOR REAL?”

“yes... so what do you say? should we date?”

“uhm... I would love to! Yes!”

[goldafterglow]

embellished lungs

Summary: Ezra buys a pretty thing for a pretty thing.

Request: hc about what renders Ezra speechless 😶 - @lose-eels (this is not even what you asked for but fuckin here ig im sorry sgkfjdshg)

Pairing: Ezra x reader

Word Count: 2.6k+

Warnings: a big fat drabble?, very really soft, not beta read and tbh barely even normal read i read this maybe twice oops

Author’s Note: i almost put this just like under the ask but I’m not gonna sit here and act like this is a drabble bc i’m a clown. i don’t want to talk about it. and spitting this out bc I was soft for Ezra and @mrpascals made me

Gif Cred: my wife and my baby @pascalplease

masterlist | taglist modifications

He spies it in the open market while he’s stocking up on supplies.

The day is hot, the Sun bearing down on its disciples with a violent red fury, but it’s light is strong, bright. Everything is reflective, hot to the touch from boiling in the heat, and all of the creatures begin to melt together like dyed wax to form one big discernable blob, if you really squint. Ezra’s sweat escapes the barrier of his brows and leaks past his lashes, dragging across his eyes and stinging a little, blurring his vision and dripping onto his arms, but he doesn’t care. He’s far too exhilarated.

The market in itself is absolutely brilliant to him; he’s always been enthralled by this, by people and pretty things, and to be completely surrounded by both felt like something akin to sensory overload. His heart is racing at the sight of people traversing the dirt road, loitering and browsing through produce colored so vibrantly he wonders if the bright red apples and deep indigo berries have been dipped in the tinted glow of fairies that dance in the forest. And he’s utterly taken by the art and trinkets. He’s always had a little soft spot for art - a tender, exposed section of his beating flesh that is so sensitive, so delicate and so easy to provoke. And right now, he seems like he’s subject to a battering ram, pounding against his chest in the best way possible.

His eyes dart around quickly as he tries his best to take everything in. He finds himself cherishing every little interaction, every stranger whose shoulder he is forced to brush in an attempt to make his way through the market, every vendor that begs to him, calls to him to try “just one last berry sir. I’m sure your lover will be delighted by the raspberries from yesterday’s harvest.” He ended up buying a quaint six ounces just so that he could feed them to you. But that would be a treat for later.

And just like that, he is thinking of you. The prettiest, most beautiful thing. A sculpture with imperfections so perfect that he knows it must have taken eons to craft you out of gold and diamonds and the soft fluff of hummingbird feathers and butterfly wings. You are art, a walking, breathing, touchable piece that he gets to admire up close. It’s a privilege, really, to have been gifted with Kevva’s finest handiwork.

As his pupils peruse the stands, admiring his surroundings, they suddenly become frozen in place, permanently stuck on a little trinket that’s caught his attention: a necklace. The gem sitting in the center isn’t aurelac; it’s much more vibrant, much more dramatic and almost rainbow when he looks at it from different angles. The chain isn’t long, and knowing you the gem would fall right between your collarbones. He can already envision you wearing it, like a child flicking watercolors onto the Venus de Milo, but he wants to see his deep green paint draped around your shoulders. The way he sees it when you wear his clothing, when you’re adorned with bruises of his passion like stars adorn the sky, when you wear him. It’s intoxicating, seeing that he’s had any impact on your life and that you parade it around like a trophy. That you think about him without him prompting you to do so - not that he isn’t constantly in your presence. But he wants to buy it just so that he can see you wear it. Perhaps even only wear it.

He’s already thinking about how fucking gorgeous you would look in it. He is thinking about putting it on you, tugging on it ever so lightly in a way that signals to you - that is, rather than exerting any true force on you - that he wants a kiss. Perhaps pulling on it a little harder so that metal bites your skin and you can feel it, feel him digging into the soft flesh of your neck. Now he’s imagined a thousand scenarios in which he can have his way with you just by getting you to wear this piece, and he has to purchase it.

When the vendor finally hands it to him, packaged with care and placed deep into the hollow of a black velvet box, he finds that it barely fits in his pocket. He doesn’t care, though, because it’s too exquisite an accessory to be thrown in with the other supplies and it’s too precious for him to take it out of the box. He’s excited when he comes back to the pod, back home where you are.

Home is you.

He assumes you must’ve heard him come in, the pod door loud and rambunctious as he dumps the bags into the center of the pod space and then crawls in himself - it was hard enough with two arms, nonetheless one. He lets out a sight as if to let the excitement drain out his vessels and into the atmosphere of the cockpit, mingling with the peace and solitude to create a soft buzz that zings through his ears and vibrates his eyes. The exhilaration from being the market was utterly electric, but he is home now. He can crawl into you, let you absorb into him, and he likes how you can make his heart race a million miles and yet also pacify him, a cold compress to his aching soul to help reduce inflammation. He wants to maintain that semblance of the intricate pastel harmony, adorned in lilac and peach hues. So he stands in the middle of the cockpit and closes his eyes, lets himself sway to the rhythm of his lungs for a moment. Just a fraction of solitude, and he doesn’t mind because ever since he met you he has never felt lonely, not even when he’s alone. He always feels you with him.

Once his head has cleared, he palms at his pocket where the little black box still resides, as if to check that he hadn’t dreamt up some fantasy ornament that would look so perfect on you. It’s still there; of course it is, and he feels foolish for thinking that the pretty butterflies would have fluttered it out and flown it away, but sometimes he wonders if the same thing will ever happen to you. If one morning he will wake up and you will have migrated with the birdies, off to seek true warmth because you’re not real, because nothing so good as you could ever be caged by him.

He steps into your shared bedroom and spies you with your back to the entrance. The room is cool, but you’ve elected to wear his shirt, even foregoing pants. His favorite outfit of yours, and he knows you know it. You’re wearing headphones, something he’d picked up for you on your last supply run, and he can tell you’re playing one of those instrumental stations you so adore listening to when you were working. A mutely-colored map is stretched out onto the desk, and he’s not even sure you can focus the music because your mind is moving faster than your poor hand can keep up as you mark up a new dig site. He almost feels bad for interrupting you while you’re in such deep concentration, your forehead smashed into wrinkles without even noticing, but Ezra cannot resist his greed for your attention. Ever so gently, he places his hand on your shoulder from behind so as not to startle you.

You almost immediately register the delicate touch, turning the radio off and pulling your headphones off your ears so you can give this kind artist your undivided attention - Kevva herself knows he's earned it. You turn your head to face him, craning your neck back so you can take his softly smiling depiction like pressing a plush blanket into your face.

“Hey, pretty boy,” you coo, letting your pen fall tumultuously from your hand. The sound of it clanging against the table and then rolling around to a stop fills the room, but you can’t hear it; Ezra is talking now.

“Hey, sweet stardust,” he greets back, voice orange and warm like the heat that simmers under the stars during the summer at midnight.

Comfortable.

 “Hey” was never his preferred salutation, and he’d tried to omit it from his vocabulary for so long, but he started to notice that he likes it when you say to him. Like a little pearl of your voice, so sweet like honey with the honeycomb still mixed in, a little grainy and so cheeky.

“Did you get everything we need?” you ask, beginning to stand to that you can press a hand to his chest, grounding him to the pod and to your sanctuary soul. Ezra grins wide, unable to hide his excitement at your words.

“I in fact exceeded our needs, sweet rose bud,” he says with a pride that fills up your chest and makes you want to hold him tight because you love when he gets giddy like this, with the childlike enthusiasm of showing your parents the shitty drawing you made or your ugly macaroni art. Ezra is light, his tone airy. “I happened to spot a gem that reminded me of your vision and I couldn’t resist the urge to get it.”

You brow furrows a little, not out of confusion but out of curiosity. Ezra’s taste has always inspired you, and you knew his never ending quest for art is always in an attempt to find beauty in everything. You don’t even have to look at it to know that it will be stunning because his stamp of “pretty” approval is your gold standard.

He pulls the box out and opens it facing you so that you can get a good look, really admire it, and you are already taken by the shimmering pendant.

“Oh Ezra, it's - it’s utterly magnificent,” you gush, and he can spot that little glimmer in your eyes that you get when you’re looking at something that you’re enamored with; they way you look when you’re gazing at him. You raise your chin to look at him, his cheeks rosy with delight and sweet eyes crinkled at the corners. “Put it on me.”

It’s not so much of a demand as it is a gentle instruction; you know he wants to, know he’s been thinking about it since he bought it, and you want to be open to him. You want to invite him into your heart, inside of the flower garden of your chest, with open arms because he deserves to feel wanted.

You help him pull the chain out of the bottom of the box, keeping one end in your right hand and letting him take the clasp in his left. He wills himself to move slowly, to savor every little stimulation you send through his skin as he steps behind you. His fingers press against your clavicle, tracing along the bone before traveling up over the valley of your shoulder, tips of his hands brushing against your throat. He is feeling you, mapping out your body because he’ll never get to see an angel in his life but he’s certain you must be the spitting image.

You can feel his breath against your skin, hot and intoxicating as a small film of dampness coats your exposed back and neck. Your right hand rests at the nape of your neck, waiting expectantly, but you don’t rush him. He takes his sweet, sugary time, because the surface of your skin feels like he’s running his fingers through a field of silicone needles, firm but harmless as they stimulate a sensation he never knew he could feel before he touched you for the first time. You’re addictive, the best high he’s ever gotten, and he almost lets his hand lose all abandon and travel so carefully down the front of your body, palming your breast along the way and pressing right into your diaphragm before he keeps going down, down, down…

Almost.

But he will save it for a later time, especially since he’d been fantasizing about you wearing the necklace like a carefully chiseled bust is adorned with sashes. So finally, after what feels like hours of roaming and teasing, you feel that calloused, worn sensation of your lover’s fingers seeking solace against yours. You pin your breath to your lungs, not daring to let it go as you wait for the heavy release of his hand indicating that the necklace is secure. But even once you feel it, even as you let your right hand fall down at your side, Ezra does not take his hand off of you. You don’t want him to.

Slowly, so that he never has to cease his touch, you turn to face him. You’re still looking down at the pendant, in awe of how the gem rests so perfectly between your collarbones. You can’t see Ezra’s adoring gaze, his completely awestruck fixation on how ethereal you are to him. Like you’re emitting a golden glow, too hot to touch and yet begging, inviting his fingers to feel and press and hold. 

Celestial.

He feels his emotions expand in his stomach, diaphragm threatening to spasm. His hand trails up to your chin, palming your jaw as he tenderly lifts your line of sight so that he can see your pretty eyes.

“You’re divine,” he mumbles to you, not wanting to disrupt the tight silence, so tense he’s afraid of speaking too loud lest it break and snap against his cheek leaving an angry raised brand.

Overwhelmed with appreciation, you balance your hands on his shoulders and press a gentle kiss to his cheek, letting it linger so you can savor the honeysuckle dew on his skin. “I love it,” you whisper with a grin.

Ezra giggles.

When you pull back to face him proper, his face is utterly red. His smile reaches the lobes of his ears, bashful and boyish like his belly has just been tickled by the sweetest of baby chicks, and he can barely get a word out. He can’t speak. His mind is in overdrive, completely inundated with a blistering adoration for you and your approval because you said you loved it. His gift is not a splash of children’s watercolors; it is a clean swipe of gold running along your jaw, accenting your beauty and emphasizing just how exquisite you are to him.

“Yeah?” he managed, a soft giggle still passing his lips like the first cries of a baby deer, the first flutters of a newly hatched butterfly.

Adorable.

You can’t resist the urge to giggle back, placing a hand at the nape of his neck and pulling him in for a true kiss on his glittery lips. It only lasts seconds, however, because Ezra can’t stop smiling and you can’t stop giggling, so you both settle for the blissful solitude of pressing your foreheads against one another, breathing in each other's air and taking up the same space.

“It’s gorgeous, Ezra. Thank you,” you whisper lightly so that the wisps of air tickle his upper lip, and suddenly he is so inclined as to press his left arm into the small of your back so that you’re so much closer and kiss you the way you deserve; a dynamic series of long, deep, searing kisses that send you to the clouds and drop you into an endless pit of lavish fluff at the same time. You don’t know how he does this, makes you feel like you don’t exist and that there isn’t anything in the world but you and him, and you often wonder if it’s because Ezra is within you, or that your broken parts and his broken parts make some hauntingly majestic sculpture of its own; something better than the fucking Venus de Milo or Athena or Great Sphinx because it should be something so hideous and yet it feels to utterly priceless to you.

It’s precious.

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[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

[SPOILERS FOR LEO’S ROUTE❗️] okay so i just got to the bit after leo reveals what he is, and mc and comte are talking on the balcony & comte offers to turn her into a vampire if she would like. obviously mc declines but i guess my question is, how do you think leonardo would react if mc DID agree to that offer? i am enjoying his route, but i kinda get the feeling he mostly/only loves mc because she is human :/ im interested abt what might happen if she didn’t say no? thank you v much💖💖ly lots

Aww, ily3 hun tyty 💕💕💕I’ll offer my thoughts below, I hope I can answer your questions to satisfaction! 

Ah yes, the point in Leo's route where I essentially get shot in the leg and limp through my walk of shame

Jk jk, but I think there has been a considerable degree of displeasure associated with Leonardo's line in the proverbial sand. No life with him can be spent as a vampire, MC must remain human. Despite his easygoing nature, he remains stalwart in his opposition no matter what the MC or Comte has to say. To summarize it quickly, Comte’s relieved exasperation at the end of Leo’s MS gets more across than I think any of my analysis can convey “Thank heavens one of you has good sense.” It offers the implication that he has tried to broach the topic with Leonardo out of concern, only to be met by a brick wall--or doesn’t try at all for fear that he’ll only ensconce Leonardo further into rejecting a greater future for him and MC.

As to how he would react I......really don’t think it would go well? Only because I think it would serve to reinforce the rifts that already exist in Leonardo’s self-perception. He would believe it was his own fault for pushing her in that direction, and while I don’t think he would hate Comte, he would definitely become estranged from one of his only close friends in life. (What GUTS ME about Comte offering to turn MC is that he is probably well aware Leo might beat the shit out of him, never talk to him again, or both--and he still fully accepts that he could lose his best friend to guarantee a future for both of them. Excuse me while I bawl in the corner) He probably wouldn’t hold it against Comte for too long, but he wouldn’t be any less aggrieved and hurt. And when Leonardo is vulnerable, he will hide and nurse his wounds until he can behave with some level of calm--or at the very least until he can pretend he’s okay after an initial explosion. He doesn’t feel comfortable troubling people with his own problems, so he tends to fall into silence when personal things come up. This doesn’t necessarily mean he resolves all of his emotional turmoil, or heals that fast; it only means that he wallows in those feelings alone unless they’re tugged out of him and worked through forcibly.

Basically, I see only one of two possibilities coming to fruition. The first is that he and MC would wobble only to completely fall apart if some kind of resolution could never be found. He’d continue to blame himself and start sabotaging his own happiness, and that would likely mean some level of selfishness directed at MC--resulting in anguish for the both of them. If MC takes on too much without complaint or Leonardo goes too far...I get the feeling that relationship would either end in shambles immediately, or result in a kind of twisted union in which both feel responsible for the other’s hurt but neither one can relieve it (until they’d be forced to split up before someone gets seriously hurt). They would be the source of each other’s suffering, so much so that the walls climbing between them might never again lower. 

This might sound odd, but if there’s one thing that Leonardo needs it’s control when it comes to his relationships with others. It is a subtle, but acute trait that might not seem obvious knowing his magnanimous disposition. He decides if MC gets to be a vampire, he bargains with Sebastian because he refuses to be a test subject, he refuses to validate Comte’s conclusions (despite knowing he’s right) because he doesn’t want to cede the power silence/smokescreens offer his emotional vulnerabilities. Even around villains like Shakespeare and the final serial killer, pay close attention. Shakespeare begins revealing deeply personal information and wishes that Leonardo holds close to his heart on purpose, snatching Leonardo’s agency and ability to control how his feelings are being conveyed. How does Leonardo respond? With explosive, forbidding anger--instantaneous and barely contained, nothing at all like his breezy attitude and calm.

If you think about it, it’s a fairly obvious extension of the humiliating powerlessness by which he was raised (he needs to be in control; he needs to be the one who decides who gets to walk away and who doesn’t. He doesn’t come on to MC because he wants to, he does it for the sole purpose of scaring her out of wanting to be a vampire. He doesn’t even attempt to explain where he’s coming from because he falls into whole-scale panic. When he loses control of the trajectory of others--of how they perceive certain things about him--all of his charisma fails him. If he can’t explain or justify where he is mentally, when he’s too afraid they won’t hear him or care, then he needs to redirect the opposing party). Additionally, he feels responsible; that he can better adjust the outcome with his experience--and while that may be true for some things, sometimes he gets ahead of himself. Only an individual can decide their own future and their own happiness, the most others can do is enhance or worsen aspects of life. He doesn’t have enough faith that his presence is positive or worthwhile enough to guarantee his spouse’s happiness ;-;

The other possibility I see is MC coaxing him as best she can into reassurance that she’s happy with her new life. While he may have doubts, there is absolutely room for her to help him approach those fears little by little. If Leonardo has even a hint of doubt in regards to his dismal feelings about her being turned, a potential for acceptance may be nurtured. I don’t think his uncertainty would ever fully vanish; there will always be a lurking fear that a fate tied to his can only mean suffering and disappointment. Prove his worth and compassion with time, and this man will be unable to remember how life was lived before her. It would take a great deal of patience and a sizable obstacle, but it wouldn’t be impossible. His heart is much too big for that, I think.

I don’t think happiness with a turned MC is impossible, only that it would take a lot of work to swing it after a heated moment of decision. I think the way to go with Leonardo is a more enduring effort. He shows much more receptivity after years of being together. I think time, ironically, helps him relax into the possibility of forever as a couple. I think he cannot conceptualize a world in which he is in love, and that this love is not conditional--not dependent on his ability to be the perfect companion, the brilliant inventor, the equanimous mentor. I think he needs to see for himself that love can be gentle and real and whole even when he’s at his worst (by his self-perception). 

Also I put some extra meta under the cut because I have brainworms and just can’t stop thinking about Leonardo rn so read if you like, but it’s more related to why he feels this way abt turning MC than necessarily about the outcome. 

That being said, I'm conflicted because I don't necessarily think Leonardo only loves MC because she's human? (Rather, I think it’s more a result of his history and the values he’s developed in response to that upbringing. But I’ll loop back to this in a bit, so stay tuned)

I say this for two reasons. Firstly, I don't want to say that no person in this period shared his values (I mean look at Comte)--this would be an overstatement, even if it was rare. But it does appear that Comte and Leonardo are acute exceptions within vampire society in elevating human beings to an equal status among vampires (if not a higher status at points or depending on the person). As such, a vampire partner he’d be comfortable living with is unlikely. Human beings are more optimal in some regards (more adaptable and more egalitarian than vampires, most likely), but he also knows that he’s more susceptible to falling in love with a human; so he makes sure to squash his feelings or remove himself when his feelings become too intense. 

Secondly, he's in close quarters with MC by necessity, and reacts to her isolation by virtue of the situation. That's probably half the reason they get together at all; he was fully intending to keep his distance despite his initial curiosity. One thing this signals to me is that even when Leonardo did feel attraction to any person he was in contact with, he would avoid them until they were removed from his presence--or he deflected their romantic approaches enough times for them to give up. With this in mind, it can come as no surprise that Leonardo has kept to himself for nearly five hundred years now. If it was another vampire hitting on him (especially a pureblood), he would be playing into his parents' expectations and would approach the vampire social hierarchy he was working so hard to escape. If they were human, he would deem himself a burden; he could never love them within the normal expectations of a human couple (growing old together, raising a family, etc etc). So ultimately I think it's less her being human, and more their compatibility and context.

As such, I think he just locks himself into a kind of Catch-22? Because in the end I think this is more about his own fears and insecurities--that he can never make someone happy, that he himself will never be enough (hello child of abusive home). Not to oversimplify his character, but one crucial element of his upbringing must be considered if he is to be analyzed properly.

There's something I often think about:

Comte, quoting Leonardo: "‘Not all parents love their children, or even think of them as such.’"  [Though he got away and was able to make a life for himself, he had to do it alone.]

There is. A LOT to unpack here. While we may not have evidence of what his familia is like firsthand, this description tells us...so many heartbreaking things. It tells us that Leonardo never once felt like anything more than a child intended to carry on a legacy. The likelihood that his insights, his feelings, or his entire self-hood were acknowledged is pretty much at a hardcore negative three. While it's been a good number of years since he was the problem child/family disappointment, I feel like so many of those experiences seep into his capacity to properly accept the love of another person. It's a good portion of the reason he struggles so intensely with being loved despite his unfathomable wealth of affection for other people. When a person is diagnosed with unlovable and cringe for having positive feelings for others, it's not really surprising that a person might have trouble accepting a commitment or attraction to another person. There is...a kind of Sisyphus dilemma that surfaces in the wake of that kind of life, a constant push + pull between craving acceptance and either expecting it’s loss and/or fearing it’s disappointment. Though he shows signs of healing from it, there are still portions that linger. (Jean-Paul shakes him from this self-berating in his MS, but after four hundred years he still struggles to overcome those instincts. I wish there were words for the extent to which that knowledge breaks my heart...Many say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think only others can heal them.)

Keep in mind, I don't think his enduring fallacy that "human beings are the epitome of untainted purpose and vitality" is irrelevant or less problematic here. I just think it's a reflection of a deeper disturbance and loss. It's a reflection of his parents' unilateral rejection of the kinder parts of him; his devotion to patience and understanding. It's a kind of reiteration or what he's already known: he's doing exactly what his parents did in an odd way, he's rejecting vampirism whole-scale despite evidence of both pros and cons (just as it is for humanity). I will always offer that his fear of something going wrong during the change is completely valid--but it does feel more like a fear of admitting that vampires (and eternity for that matter) aren't inherently awful. He ran away from his parents for good reason of course, but for all his running he didn’t escape their black and white logic.

It’s funny too, because his absolutism is kind of reflected in his inability to commit to a single discipline in some ways; while part of it is that he probably exhausts study, I have to wonder how much of him oscillating is a fear of eventual failure. (Think his reaction to MC’s knowledge that he can’t dance, his mortification and utter...shock that she wouldn’t use it as a way to make him feel terrible about himself). He probably prefers to hone his skills helping people because the motivation of providing relief is a much more powerful motivator than knowledge for knowledge’s own sake. He needs the impetus, that drive to move him.

Granted, I won't fault anyone for feeling like Leonardo only loves MC for her humanity. At first glance it really did feel that way! But the more I think about it, the more I feel it has more to do with the weight of his life's experience, and the parts of himself he hasn’t been able to reconcile.

Sometimes, with Leonardo, I urge gentleness. So much of who he is disguises all the ways in which he has been hurt. While his decision is selfish and foolish, it comes from a broken place. My unhappiness will always lie predominantly with the fact that he believes to his core that happiness and self-respect is something he doesn’t deserve. 

[mintseesaw]

huling sandali 

translation. last moment ⇀ an entry for paraluman playlist

pairing: namjoon x reader genre: angst, est. relationship au word count: 2.2k warnings: themes of insecurities being triggered, emotional struggles, a break-up drabble a.k.a not a happy ending // pg-13

drabble request by @jim-parkin​​ with “pighati + namjoon” hi hjdgdhsgsg im sorry it took me 3254 years to write this :((( i hope you like it. Also, happy belated birthday, alyssa!!! huh i just found out like 10 hrs ago prior to posting this on my first attempt hfdkdjdh im a horrible friend but ily ;-( *unedited

Namjoon arrived home by the time you started packing your stuff. He found you sitting on the living room floor, casually sorting things and putting them in labeled boxes laid in front of you.

You were supposed to ignore him, just like what he’s been doing in the past week. You realized, days of argument after argument before seems better than a whole week of silence in the apartment. The loneliness becomes greater, the glassy tension— unbearable, and his passive treatment more than anything else, hurts you the most.

You couldn’t look at him, having no will to possibly see the indifference on his face while he watches you gradually removing your traces in his place.

As seconds turn minutes since the distinct click of the door closing snaps shut, you took notice of the prolonged silence without the tap of the heels of his black shoes on the granite floor resonating through the living room. With your curiosity suddenly distracting you out of your focus, your head tilted on your side to peek behind you.

There he was, standing so tall and so formal with a frown on his face. His eyes shone not because of the lenses of his glasses but from the unshed tears on his eyes. When your gazes met, he was quick to crane his neck to the opposite side.

You open your mouth to call him to gather his attention. But he was already walking away out of the living room.

It’s been a whole week since you told him you’ll move out. He perfectly understood the implication of it. He objected, tried to convince you not to leave. When his attempts went futile, he did stop trying. Then fostered the silence between the two of you.

He avoided you while you try to make things right by keeping the break up somewhat acceptable on both terms. His refusal to speak with you seemed to convince you that, somehow, he had given up, silently giving you the signal to proceed on your plans.

Half an hour later, you began emptying half of the wardrobe in the walk-in closet. Coincidentally, he was in the shower at the time. After work, he’d routinely clean himself up before he rests or eats dinner with you. However, he stopped taking meals with you nor stayed in the bedroom to read the day you broke the word to him. With his persistence to avoid your presence, you’re almost sure he would let you be in peace while you packed the last bit of your clothes from the closet.

You’re supposed to leave days ago. The tenant of the apartment complex you found weeks prior has been non stop bugging you to move in.

However, you cannot just leave without a proper goodbye to him. In fact, he should be the one leaving you, not the other way around. But he couldn’t do that. Because he owns this place just as much as he owns nearly everything here including your heart.

Namjoon would never ask you to leave, even if he wants you to. That’s how much goodness there is in him. You just happened to take advantage of it and live comfortably by his side.

With your emotions at bay, a silent tear spid down your cheeks, leaving a dot of patch on the fabric of your folded clothes as you fill up your luggage on the bed.

Mere seconds later just as you hear the bathroom door opening, you feel the familiar, strong arms snaked over your waist from behind making you still instantaneously on the spot.

“Namjoon—“

“Don’t… don’t leave.” He says to you for the first time in a week.

His wet hair quickly drenches the spot on your shoulder where he laid his forehead.

Squeezing his hand pressed on your stomach, you smile weakly without facing him. “We talked about this.”

You felt his forehead grazing your shoulder blade as he shakes his head, “I don’t agree with this.”

“We both need this. We need to give each other time to breathe.” You murmur under your breath, nearly admitting the real reason behind your decision. That you knew. You knew he was suffering, and he was trying not to show it to you.

“I don’t need it if you’re not with me.” Namjoon says back, the grip of his arms around tightening.

Sighing, “You’re smarter than me, Joon. You know it’s been tough for the both of us. You’ve been so patient with me and I know you’re getting tired.”

“We can s-still make this work. Fighting is normal. Arguments allow us to speak of our minds. We learn but we move on from it because we love each other.”

“We tried, Joon. So many times. So many times that there’s nothing left of me but doubts and insecurities.”

Namjoon plants a subtle kiss on the side of your head. You remained pliant to his embrace, almost not wanting for him to let you go. For him to insist his place in your life despite your determination to fulfill what you need to do.

“I can wait until you’re ready to love yourself, again.” He attempts once more. He’s always honest with his thoughts so you know he’s sincere when he speaks his heart out.

“That’s not how it works.”

“Then tell me what I should do, please don’t give up just yet.”

His words are like a twisting fire of a knife in your chest, slithering your heart apart and burning the shreds into ashes. The room suddenly feels suffocating and stiff.

Disentangling his arms around your waist, you turn to finally face him. If you’re not only so emotionally invested with the confrontation, you could have stared at him and let your eyes admire every detail on his face until he shies away from your peer that cheeks bloom with crimson tint. Just like the old times.

But your chances have run out, moments have fleeted, your time with him is almost over. Your palms harshly wiping wet traces on your cheeks, refusing to cry in front of him. With a tilt of your chin up, he struck you with his sorrowful, pleading eyes.

“Do you really want someone like me? Someone who depends on you— financially, physically, emotionally? You meet a lot of successful women and I fear that I’m not gonna be enough for you. Joon, I’ll always worry and pick up fights with you.”

Tears brimmed on his eyes, shaking his head to stress his disagreement. “You are more than enough for me. I didn’t love you because of what you have. I fell in love with you because of what’s in here,” he points at your chest.

“Why, it’s you who has a pure soul. You have everything a man could have asked for. Any woman would fall at your feet to earn your attention,” your voice deteriorating as your head falling in morose, suddenly losing the ability to hold his stare with the facade of a strength you’re putting up. “You know, I’m so lucky to have you. I’ve always told you that. But now, things changed. You’re suffering because of me. It’s how I realized I have to let you go because I want you to be happy, again.”

He gathers your face with his palms, forcing you to look at him. “No, no, no. That’s not true. You make me happy.. Please, stop this, you’re everything to me…”

His warm breaths fanning your skin with his heavy, calculated breathing.

“It’s me,” you pause, “You’ve taught me how to love but I chose the wrong way, I loved you too much than what I’m capable of giving. Now I’m lost and I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

He inches his face closer until his nose is touching your cheek. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, “I didn’t mean to change you. I thought I was doing the right thing for you. I want you to dream, I want to see you soar high with your chosen profession. Please, baby don’t leave me. We could fix this.”

No, he was getting the wrong impressions. You didn’t regret going back to college when he pleaded you to. You didn’t regret setting aside your passion for art to continue the education you once took up before you left ran away from home. None of the ugly thoughts poisoning your mind were his doing. It was you and your insecurities.

“It’s not your fault. You saved me, remember? I met you at the time I was drowning in grief. Then I started dreaming. And the day you confessed your feelings to me, you made my dream come true. That was more than enough for me, Joon. Every inch of you became my happiness and it pains me to see I’m the one making you suffer.”

“Listen to me, _____. You make me happy. There’s no perfect relationship. But you’re perfect to me. You’ve always kept me grounded, made me think of my future, made me thrive for our future. No woman has had me at my worst, they only want the good things in life. You’ve been through tough times. But the kindness in your heart remains immeasurable, do you hear me? You deserve everything I have offered and so much more, baby.”

His thumbs patiently brushing the tears away.

“I can’t keep dragging you with my downfall.”

“I don’t want us fighting but sometimes, it gets out of hand. I stay at an arm’s length but it doesn’t mean I want you gone. Because at the end of the day, I’d want to go home to you even when we’re not okay.”

Your eyes fluttered close, not bearing to see the tears free-flowing on his cheeks. Namjoon rarely cries in front of you. Even before when you were purposely trying to aim his heart with your sharp words, nothing could seem to break him down. It’s always you who’s end up losing. Crying.

Silence filled the air for a moment until you heard him shifted. Then you felt a pressure on the side of your thighs and when you caught up what he did, your knees almost gave out.

“Namjoon— w-what are you doing? Stand up!”

His fingers dug deep on the skin of your thighs, head hung long, “Don't leave,” he begs.

“No, stand up!” You sob in disbelief. He couldn’t do this when you should be the one begging for forgiveness for failing him.

Hurriedly, you shuffled on your knees, fisting his shirt as you sobbed on his chest.

His arms gave you warmth as they enveloped over your back. As the room starts to drown with your muffled cries, he cups your face and in a matter of second, Namjoon’s lips are on yours, swallowing your sobs and murmuring sweet I love you’s while keeping your connected lips with his.

Seconds turned into minutes and minutes turned into hours, your insides are a mess, dreading for the end of this moment. With his concern to your plan, he refuses to loosen his hold on you. Even when you urged him to lie down on the bed with you, he didn’t move not until you tugged his body down beside you.

The rhythmic brushes of your fingers on his hair have calmed him down but with his arm secured over your back. It was only when he finally fell asleep when the grip of his arm loosens.

It’s been hours. You haven’t gotten a wink of sleep, and the sun will soon rise in a matter of an hour or two.

It doesn’t resolve the issue. It won’t because you know the next day, things will be the same. Same insecurities will eat you up alive until you burst your anger at him. And then the fight starts, arguments will inevitably tear you two apart. It’s an unending cycle of toxicity that not even yourself can control. Not until you allow yourself to heal.

Until then, you deem yourself unworthy of his love.

You need to leave before he wakes up. You know, it wouldn’t take long before you regret your decision.

“Meeting you was the best thing that happened in my life. I’m sorry for failing you, for failing myself. I hope,” you choke as a lump forms in your throat, “... you’ll be proud of me when I get better even when you have found someone else.” You ended your parting words with your lips pressing gently on the back of his hand.

Your shoulders slightly shake, your hands tremble as sobs threaten to break from your throat.

Your thumb carefully caresses his knuckles, watching him sleep so peacefully with your blurry vision. Suddenly, you couldn’t find the strength in you to pull yourself up.

“Why is it so hard to leave?” You whisper, looking at his sleeping figure.

He is your strength. Your happiness. The owner of your heart. Your dream come true. Someday, you’ll return and take your heart back from him. But for now, you’ll have to start living without it.

With one last look, you stood up with all your might and let the tears fall mercilessly as you fought back the urge to run back to him.

~~~

That moment still remains vivid in your mind, as fresh as the wound in your heart a year later. If you could only turn back the time, you wish he was awake to stop you from leaving. Now, all you could do is watch him from afar at his favorite coffee shop with someone else. The same one he used to take you at. He looks genuinely happy. At least, the break up did him good.

Every time you stood up from your seat to leave, you keep reminding yourself it’s the last time you’ll hope for your paths to cross. Somehow when the pain gets too much to bear, you always find yourself coming back here. Hoping. For another chance. You have the answer to that now. Someone else has already taken your place in his heart.

Inside the coffee shop, the girl sitting across him huffs while watching you walk away out of the establishment. She shifts her gaze to the man in front of her whose attention has speechlessly zeroed in on your figure through the glass walls.

“When will you actually start talking to the girl? You’ve been dragging me here for over a month now. My time is precious, Kim. It’s so obvious you’re smitten for her!” She glares.

Namjoon didn’t answer, only because he doesn’t know how. How do I win her back?

mintseesaw © 2020

[cxptain-rex]

Basorexia {Fives}

pairing: fives x reader

warning: n o n e

this was requested by @painkiller80! Thank you for requesting, I hope you enjoy it! Xx sorry if it seems kinda short..I’m tired and lacking sleep 🥺

***

Basorexia - the overwhelming desire to kiss.

***

CT-5555 or Fives has a problem. He wants to kiss you nonstop. Ever since the trooper locked his lips against yours over a dangerous mission, he hasn’t stop ticking about you, your lips and your whole persona. He remembers that moment very clearly.

***

The battle is over.

You force jump from a droid tank, beaten and bruised. You fall on your feet infront of the battalion. The men cheered for you and for themselves. Captain Rex acknowledges you, you nod back.

“General!” Someone shouts and you can’t seem to pin point the voice. Sounds like Fives, you think staring around. You spot the ARC trooper striding in your direction. You frown as the clone tugs off his helmet.

Fives drops his helmet on the floor and grabs you by your hip. One arm around your hip and the other cradling your face. He plants his lips against yours in a soft manner. You squeak, blushing in embarrassment. You punch his shoulder pad until he bites your lower lip. Drawing an adorable sound which he wouldn’t mind listening again.

You bask in the moment, closing your eyes and cradling the trooper’s face. It’s all almost perfect until it stops like a bad holovid. His vodes have started cat whistling and applauding. You pull away shyly. Clearing your throat, you turn towards the legion. The words die in your throat as you meet Rex’s gaze.

You escape the 501st teasing gaze. I’m going to kill you Fives, you think walking away from the scene.

***

Since that intimated encounter, the arc trooper hasn’t stop thinking about you. Yet he hasn’t seen you either. It’s like you disappeared from the whole galaxy when in fact you were still stationed aboard the Resolute.

Fives pesters Rex so he can tell him about your exact whereabouts. The blonde clone sighs irritated, he turns around to meet Fives’ pleading gaze. “I don’t know, vod” he says for the billion time and Fives doesn’t buy it. “Come on, Rex, please” begs the trooper as he follows his vod around the ship.

“Listen, vod. If I were you I’d leave the General alone” Rex snaps continuing to walk away from Fives. The trooper stands taking in his brother’s words. He frowns upon that comment. How can he leave you alone? When you’re the only thing crossing his mind each time.

“I’ll find her on my own” Fives grumbles turning away in the corridor and striding off to look for you. He just wants to see you.

***

The Resolute’s bridge sparks to life as troopers report to the admiral and to you. Aside from trooper you stand with your fellow Jedi partner. Anakin Skywalker. “So, how’s Fives?” He teases causing you to glare at him. Embarrassment engulfes your persona as you remember that past event traveling amongst the starship. “Ani” you warn, you trained alongside Anakin since you were padawans and now nicknames were a daily basis.

The Jedi barks a laugh grabbing the attention of some officers and the admiral included. You glare at the gazes and they turn away. The Resolute’s crew know to not get on your nerves. It looks could kill Anakin would’ve been dead by now, yet he stands laughing louder than before.

The doors to the bridge hiss open. Everyone turns around to see who is it. Fives

Dread fills your body as you turn around electing to ignore him. The trooper strides over to you. Feeling his presence you turn around. “General, May I have word with you?” He asks and you gulp staring down. “Yes Fives” you answer crossing your arms and waiting for him to speak.

“In private, ma’am”

“Oh...alright”

You walk out of the bridge with Fives in step with you. The trooper ignores the lingering gazes of his brothers and the other General.

Once you’re out of the bridge you stop walking and so does Fives. He stares at you, helmet underneath his arm by his side. You mumble some incoherent words but continue striding to your quarters. Fives decides to follow you. He has so many words dying to escape his lips. He hopes that he doesn’t make it worse this time, rather better for you and for himself.

***

The door to your quarters slide open, and you enter. Fives follows on suit and now the door closes. You turn around to meet his gaze. Silence consumes the two of you. You chew the inside of your cheek finding your boots more interesting than the trooper infront which you are deadass wrong.

“Listen...I’m sorry, Y/N—I mean General, I’m sorry for kissing you in the battlefield. But I am not sorry for feeling what I do. I am human, I feel just like you and what I feel right now is something bigger than us, and it’s all for you.” Fives mumbles meeting your now soft gaze. He stands now filled with regret for his actions. For embarrassing you. For kissing you. Yet he does not feel sorry for loving you.

You take in his sudden confession, blinking but still mute. Fives stares at your face and feels the worse. He decides it’ll be the best if he leaves.

There's something about Fives that makes you feel so young inside, but not in a childish way. He wakes the pure side of you, the best side, all the facets of yourself that only require love to be healthy and whole. Should you have eternity to be with this man you would sink into serenity, just content to be close.

You watch as he turns to leave. “Wait” you say loud enough to make him stop on his tracks. You part your lips to speak. “I’ve been feeling...something for a long time now Fives. But I’ve been so scared to admit it. I cannot throw away my duty but I can surely fight for you. I didn’t acknowledge it before...b-but I do now. I like you, Fives. More than a friend...” you confess looking for a signal in Fives. He blinks at you. Silence engulfes the moment and you feel like it’ll go down hill. You’re wrong.

Fives advances towards you. Suddenly you feel his breath fawning your face. You feel his gloved hands cradle your face, tilting it so you can meet his gaze. Your sight falls to his lips, tan and warm. Fives stares down to admire your lips. How he yearns to feel them, to listen your sounds once again.

His lips brush yours. Not innocently, like a tease but hot, fiery, passionate and demanding. You want to pull away before you lose myself but you can’t seem to in fact you don’t want to pull away. In this minty moment, your senses have been seduced and you can no longer think straight. “Y/N” he whispers slowly, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. You smile, your heart fluttering at his voice as you clasp your hands on either side of his face. You lean in for another kiss.

Fives wraps his arms encircling you. You taste his lips for a moment. Caf and an unknown sweet which he probably snuggled with Jesse and Hardcase on the ship. You adore it. He leans his forehead against yours in a loving manner.

“May I please kiss you again?”

“Of course, Fives” you giggle as he peppers your face with kisses until his lips meet yours again. This time in a heated battle as he leads you to your bed. Your bodies collide against each other, the hyperspace blue contrasting against your forms engulfed in a heated moment which none of you wishes to stop...

***

Author’s Note: this just got hot y’all. I hope y’all enjoy it! Sorry if it seems kinda short, im trying my best

As always thank you for the support! Don’t forget to reblog and like for more future content. Sharing this means more people will enjoy them and so on more work! You guys inspire me to write each time. Also it’s 5:00 am and I’m tired as fuck cus I wanted to get this down. Thank you! XX <3

[februaryberries]

Study (?) tips that you don’t see on every study post

Hi gamers, I just finished my first year at college/university!!

This year was really a struggle for me because I was trying to get the help I needed for my mental health, and I did not succeed until literally the week before finals spring term. I just got diagnosed w ADHD and put on meds (thank god) and I’m excited for the next year to come.

Though this year was absolutely grueling I did discover some little tips that can really help ! This is coming from my experience w ADHD but it could relate to other neurodiverse learners as well ! Even if you are neurotypical some of these might help !! 

This post got really long so I’m gonna put it under the cut but, main Idea is bolded w a more in depth explanation underneath ( for those like me who see a block of text and go running)

In no particular order:

If you can/are up for it take a class before noon even if you are not a morning person. I am NOT saying take an 8am when u regularly go to bed at 4am! Bc that is dumb bb pls get some sleep. In my experience once I go to class my brain is like “oh things are happening now, it is actually a day and not just existing in a timeless hellscape.”

Once I am out of bed/out of my room I am at least mildly more productive for the rest of the day. Going to a class before noon means you are up and doing things for the day and early enough that you still have light. This ties into the next one

Start while it’s still light out!! At least for me I gain so much happiness from natural light/sunlight, and it is very hard for me to do things let alone START things once it’s dark out because my brain is like nope the day is over now. Plus in the fall/winter days days are getting shorter and shorter so it’s important to make use of as much daylight as you can. I feel like a plant w how much I rely on light to survive but it really does help! 

Put on ‘Real People’ clothes. This is something that really helps me, even if it’s just like, jeans and a turtleneck, maybe tucked in w a belt. I’ve found that when I put on academic-y clothes or like Adult clothes it helps me switch my brain into school mode. It’s kinda like putting on a uniform for work? If I’m in too loose of clothes or like pyjamas for example, I’m much less likely to be able to switch my brain into productive mode. For me especially its when i’m wearing tighter clothing rather than baggy ones? Like i said a turtleneck which like the sleeves are fitted to my arms, and jeans or pants that are fitted to my legs. I think it helps because it makes me more aware of my body in the space? Idk.  figure out what real people clothes feel like to you, and then have a couple of go to outfits you can slip on when you’ve been in a hoodie and sweatpants all day and really need to get some work done. 

On that note, put on shoes. For me along w the tight clothing, I do better in shoes, specifically ones that lace up and can be tight. Like hightop converse, or boots, or even dress shoes w laces. I think in a way my body needs to be contained so I can focus on something? I’m not sure why I feel like that but i’ve learned to work w it. Putting on shoes for me helps because

1. I’m not distracted by what I’m putting my bare feet on (i cannot stand wearing socks unless im wearing shoes so yes bare feet)

2. I’m not getting distracted by my floor n the fact that hey maybe i should sweep bc there are some crumbs sticking to my feet now.

And 3. You put on shoes when you are going to go outside and go somewhere. It’s like putting pyjamas on to go to bed, you’re brain associates those items with doing something, so putting on shoes can signal to your brain hey we are doing something now, and that something is work.

Talk to your teachers !! I understand sometimes you have a teacher from hell and honestly idk what to tell you at that point but in  a lot of cases teachers can be very understanding !! The amount of support I’ve gotten from my teachers this year is absolutely insane and 100% the only thing that made it so I didn’t get kicked out of college. Like reaching out to your teachers shows that you care! if you have to take a mental health day sometimes let them know !! i would always let my teacher know that I really wanted to be in class but I just couldn’t handle it that day. They also can help connect you to resources you didn’t know about ! 

Look into what resources your school has !! I was talking about how next year is gonna go now that I’ve been diagnosed and such with my friend, and how I was gonna contact the DRC (disability resource center) and she didn’t know you could get support for having ADHD!! Like I know you can get extensions on due dates, attendance forgiveness, and even potentially note taking assistance when you have ADHD and talk to them. even if you are medicated it doesn’t 100% solve everything and there are still ways to get support! Whether its study groups, writing centers/support, tutoring, or even contacting your drc or whatever your school has, it can really help!! I’m definitely going to take advantage of these resources if I can next year ! 

Find a place outside you can go to clear your head (or have a mental breakdown) 

I can’t even begin to count the amount of times i’ve been freaking out over something or stressed out of my mind and my room started to feel to stuffy and claustrophobic and i just needed to get OUT. try to make sure it’s somewhere safe and close that you can go to even at night. (maybe try to shoot a text to your best friend that you’re out and if you don’t let them know you’re home by a certain time to start raising alarm, your safety is the most important) I tend to like to be up high because i’m further away from people, and the streets and I’m closer to the sky.

My go to thinking/breakdown spot is the roof of the parking garage a block away. It has stairs that are easy access and the top levels are usually empty even during the day. It really helps me to just go out and listen to music and collect my thoughts sometimes. My head can start going a million directions at lightspeed and I need to stop and be present, and being outside helps. It’s a good way to regroup.

Spend 10 minutes picking up your desk/work space. I tend to let my room get cluttered and messy and out of control a lot, to the point where I know it’s going to take at least a couple hours to get it clean again. It is also hard to focus when you’re in a messy environment. I would stress myself out and be like “well i HAVE to clean my whole room because I can’t focus if my space isnt clean I cant start until I clean” and then I would put all of my productive energy into cleaning, and get maybe halfway done before burning out and going to bed.

You’re never going to get any work done if you keep in this mindset. So instead just spend 10 minutes picking up the garbage off your desk, put the dishes in the kitchen, and put things back in their place. Then you will have enough space to work on your assignment and that space will be free of clutter so it won’t be as stressful. 

DRINK WATER DRINK WATER DRINK WATER

Have a water bottle in front of you when you’re studying/in class. I get fidgety a lot when i’m in class/studying (thank u adhd) and so having a water bottle is a way for me to fidget I guess? Depending on the water bottle, you have little steps you have to do to drink that help u fidget,

for example: pick it up, take off the lid, drink, put the lid back on, set it down.

Or pick up, push button that opens drink hole (?), set back down.

When I have a water bottle on my desk it satisfies my need to do something with my body and comes with the bonus of staying hydrated, without me having to lose focus doing something else. Also you won’t get distracted by a sore throat or the realization that you are really thirsty.

Pay attention to why you’re not paying attention. Not everything that works for me is going to work for you, so you have to figure out what works for you. I started to notice that I would be uncomfortable or feel funny working when I was in baggy clothes and that helped me figure out I needed to wear real people clothes. If you find yourself getting distracted, take note of what is distracting you. maybe try literally making a list of things that distract you, so then you can identify patterns and how to combat them !

That’s all I have for now, I hope some of these could maybe help? All of these have helped me actually complete an assignment occasionally, and somehow keep my ass in college. I just want to say that my experience is my own and things that work for me aren’t going to work on every one. college can be really tough, especially your first year when you’re trying to figure everything out. I may not have all the answers but feel free to shoot me a message!! i’m here for you if you want to ramble about an assignment you’re fed up with or a teacher you hate or anything thats bothering you !! Everyone’s college (and life) experience is different so don’t feel bad if yours doesn’t look the same as the people around you ! Remember to take care of yourselves !!!

Have a good day :)

[ariyadaivaris]

- oh god vic please come back. where have you gone. we miss you

- NEW GEAR! NEW GEAR FOR TONY the track jacket is obviously new (its very cute i like the rolled up sleeves+tape up to wrists look a lot) and his new goofy lil emblem on his kneepads. also its the same candy red as ariya's. unbearable! i can't stand them. good for him

- "a red wedding of sorts, if you will" HUH? YOU CAN'T SAY THAT. WHY DID HE SAY THAT

- ARIYA DID THE SLASH ACROSS THE THROAT THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FEELS LIKE LIFETIMES SINCE HE'S DONE IT i love him. terrible. awful. scary <3

- the windup on ariya's elbow drops <3 he is a delight to watch...

- god i wish wish WISH 205 had some fucking storylines again!!!!!!!!!! i love tony and ariya and i love the bollywood boys, you know this, but if i have to watch another mostly directionless tag match that won't go anywhere or lead to anything because the cw division's plot-important stuff is relegated to nxt with an entirely different group of people and none of these guys are considered in high enough regard to reap the rewards of a division they built and carried on their backs for the last 5 years with NO fucking help or faith in them at all i'm going to go off the deep end. i would take an in-ring promo at this point. anything at fucking all   - commentary keeps pushing the "they're working harder than ever to get a title shot" thing and it's just so. i'm insanely depressed about it. does ANYONE genuinely believe, watching this, that they will ever be given a title shot? do the four men in this ring right now have any hope that they will ever see that title on their show again, never mind get a chance at it?   - ariya really isn't ever gonna be a champion is he. the division gets some steam and he's never going to be a part of it. i'm so mad all the time. lol

- its...a struggle to watch 205 recently. it is a struggle to do fucking anything recently but this especially is hard because 205 is like. My Thing. that is the one thing that i am in it for, this is the one thing i have to look forward to on a weekly basis, to mark the passage of time for myself. and i just can't keep doing this! watching alone, having to sustain interest on my own, ignoring the parts of the division that have things going on because its dudes ive never seen on 205 and have no interest in and because its a lot of miserable shitheels and predators that dubya considers relevant for reasons i will never understand (their loyalties have always been clear but given how little anyone cares about like, devlin, who has never done anything in dubya at all even if you ignore That, its like what tradeoff could possibly be worth this unless you want to just signal that you will protect abusers which EVERYONE KNOWS ALREADY), watching and desperately finding scraps of character development in reruns of the same three match configurations over and over and over again involving more dudes that you don't really care about even after all this time because they joined post-plot-or-character and its all with no build, no leadup, no EXCITEMENT, while everyone has already kind of moved on from it for reasons that seem better and better all the time. i don't want to let go of it or stop hoping because i WANT to see if anything happens, i care about ariya and tony's weird fuckin story arcs that much if anything and honestly i think letting go of it at this exact point in time is admitting a loss that i could not withstand at the present moment, but its so...i have to force myself to watch it at this point. and i know it all sounds sooooo pathetic because it is, but i'm just. im so tired!!!!!!!! im so fucking tired of it all

- OHHH SAMIR'S SAVE INTO THE NECKBREAKER OWNS

- ITS FUCKIN SUNIL TIME BABEY!!!!!!!!!! SUNIL SINGH EPIC MOMENTS COMPILATION!!!! GOLD STANDARD DOESNT STAND A CHANCE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

- ariya tagging tony in and just kind of collapsing and rolling through the ropes to have a little lie-down on the apron. sunil singh unstoppable, undefeatable, cannot be survived

- ARIYA KNOCKED HIMSELF OUT ON THE POST. ARIYA

- TONY TWO KNEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- TONY GET CLEAN PIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARIYA WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- oh my guy ariya's not lookin too good lol

- he’s fine <3 (he IS okay if you are worried)

- oh now lorcan cares about the cruiserweight division again huh! interesting ^_^

- legado del fantasma should be allowed to do that. i think its okay

- i don't really care about him besides going huh, fun aesthetic i guess, but i like grey's entrance music a LOT. maybe it's just the vocals making it distinguishable from whatever new team is doing the themes and making them all the same boring generic hinting-at-metal pop punk instrumental shit. oh well

- commentary making suuuuuuuch a big deal over grey doing things The Right Way to beat mansoor and IF I DO RECALL CORRECTLY tony as well and ignoring that he cheated to beat ariya. ariya gets cheated out of the recognition he's earned once again i see...pretty sure grey wasn't doing it The Right Way when he put his feet on the ropes against the BACKBONE, the BLOOD, the SPINE of the cruiserweight division but whatever............

- you know what i miss? high flying. that thing that 205 was originally about showcasing in a lot of ways? where did that go (to the corner to sit through timeout for being too good apparently) god i miss lhp i miss cedric i miss babyface moose i miss angel and humberto and AKIRA!!!!...i even miss buddy...wails and gnashes my teeth. i miss alicia and kenta and lio and the kanellises though i am glad they are out of dubya. some of these people aren't high flyers which was the original point whatever i still miss them. i need to rewatch 205 so i can try to have fun and not freak out over just how much of it i have to skip over

-  he is so handsome <///3

- ariya is both very VERY interested in august cheating to beat him and furious that he's not cheating to beat anyone else. why WOULD he do that? he didn't care about it when he had to beat ariya. ariya's not the ONLY heel in the division, and not the only person who would cheat to win. august can position himself as righteous--he's doing things HIS way, after all--and noble, but ariya knows better. august is losing by doing this, too! he's not WINNING! he cares more about his principles than about the win, which is CERTAINLY news to ariya. turnabout is fair play against him, apparently, because It's Daivari and anyone can do anything to him and get off scot-free. ariya watches grey refuse to cheat against anyone else, and he listens and he is commended as a hero for it, and it is driving him up the wall to watch. of course, ariya getting humiliated and treated like shit by people who then get lauded as clean babyfaces who continue thinking of him as a dirty cheater beneath them as they do the same things is uh. he’s encountered it before

- "YOU blew it! you let your pride get in the way! YOU blew it! don't ever forget that!" HM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- this is so fucking juicy. ariya ranks winning through any means above his pride! ariya would rather win dirty than lose clean. he's disgusted that grey won't use his brain to see that a win is better than a loss. ALSO! ariya going "you let your pride get in the way" is SO interesting! self righteousness as arrogance in his eyes feels very illuminating. NO he's not exactly PROUD of the shit he's done but it's the smart thing to do. he's survived, hasn't he? how many other cruiserweights could say that? did mustafa survive? did cedric? did akira? did their principles help them survive? did akira having his arm ripped off just to outlast ariya The Right Way do anything to help him in the long run? what good is doing things the right way when it is so so so fucking hard not to die in here already? on the other hand, ariya is also kind of proud at times! ariya's pride being wounded is what led to the huge character shift he went through to begin with. his pride got in the way of joining drew and tony on the same level and it got in the way of fixing things properly between him and tony until they had to grow back together, and when i say grow i mean it in the sense of...like...a tree. slow and deliberate and taking fucking forever. and it's still never been addressed out loud, really. when ariya says grey's pride got in the way of somethig, he has some idea of what he's talking about ugh. UGH!!!!!!!!! this is all so fascinating. ariya daivari top five characters of all time

[saniiieee]

Hope for Humanity

hi guys so this was actually the story that i submitted on the ateez board so i just thought i'd post it here for u guys to read :^) i hope u enjoy it!

word count: 2.1k

genre: sci-fi??? im not sure but it's something like that ㅠㅠ

warnings: kidnapping, near-death experience

After the catastrophe occurred, everything changed.

The skies never became blue again, the grasses never grew back to its green shade, the stars that were once twinkling brightly were nowhere to be seen, and even the sounds of the noisy cicadas at night were never heard from again.

A year passed by but nothing seemed to change.

Is all hope really lost for humanity?

--JULY 7, 2021--

The rays of the sun kissed his soft skin as the waves nearby crashed to the shore. Birds were chirping melodies that rang beautifully in his ears. A waft of the seawater brought by the winds caught the attention of his nose that calmed him down.

His body laid still, enjoying the warmth that the sun brought after a long year of living under a grey sky.

A long haired figure walked towards his direction and sat down beside him.

“Seonghwa-ya,” the figure whispered.

His eyes slowly opened and was met by a pair of brown eyes that belonged to a woman. Her scent reminded him of the freesia flowers that his mom used to gather from their garden back home.

"No matter what happens, you have to find mom. Okay?" She said in a gentle tone, her eyes welling up in tears as she took his hand and handed him a silver bracelet.

Lips quivering, she smiled at him one last time. She got up and slowly retreated, fading into thin air.

Noona. His eyes shot open as he came to his senses, a stray tear falling down his eye. A cold object was clasped in his hand--his older sister's bracelet.

Even though it was a dream, the scent of his sister still lingered near but slowly faded away.

Seonghwa was separated from his sister back in the rescue camp when they had to segregate the men from women.

As if having an amnesia, he doesn't remember her name, but he knows it was her older sister.

He scanned the place and realized that he was alone, sitting up on a couch, inside his friend's cabin.

It was the usual quiet night with the cold breeze of July brushing on his cheeks, sending chills down his spine.

Standing up while rubbing his hands together to make his hands warm, he freshened up and tidied his outfit before heading outside to see if the others were there.

He stepped out and admired the view of the campfire in the middle of the forest, surrounded by carved logs for people to sit on.

"Hyung!" A voice called out. He looked at the source of the voice, sitting on one of the benches.

"Oh Yeosang! I didn't know you were here too!" He joyfully replied back. 

Yeosang was one of his best friends. They met at a rescue camp after the pandemic died down a year ago.

He has blonde hair that matched his complexion and brown eyes that always had a sparkle in them.

"Do you know where everyone went?" Seonghwa asked, walking towards his direction.

The blonde boy shrugged and replied, "I just got here a while ago but I heard that something happened to Yunho's brother so he told me to stay here until you wake up."

Seonghwa nodded in agreement and looked up to the sky only to be met by darkness--no stars; just a dim glint of the moonlight. It was as if he was staring at a blank canvas.

With a lamp in hand, Yeosang offered Seonghwa to take a stroll in a nearby logging area to get some wood for the campfire; and Seonghwa gladly agreed. 

As they were walking, Seonghwa asked, "Did you know that if you looked at the one of the brightest stars at night and make a wish, it will come true?"

The blonde boy looked at the sky for a while and replied with a shrug. Yeosang was legally blind since he was little.

He cannot see anything far away from him so he didn't know what stars really look like except for the ones he saw on story books.

"It's kinda sad because there's not even one star right now and I wanted to make a wish so bad," Seonghwa sulked as they walked quietly to their destination, Yeosang looking at the ground the whole way there.

At the logging area, there was a comfortable silence looming over the two boys while they were picking up wood for the campfire.

The silence was then broken by a sound of footsteps, someone huffing and puffing as if they ran a mile.

"Seonghwa, Yeosang!" The person called out with their shaky voice.

The two boys looked at the source of the voice and it was a woman.

"Haneul noona!" Yeosang exclaimed.

They two boys ran over and helped her sit down on a log. Haneul looked disheveled as sweat ran down her forehead, her eyes swollen for crying so much.

"Please help me find San. We were supposed to go back to the cabin after getting some things for the camp when suddenly someone took him to a truck and fled away," the woman said between sobs, wiping her tears away with her trembling hands.

"Did you see where the truck was headed?" Seonghwa asked as he pat her back to calm her down.

"They were headed northside." Yeosang and Seonghwa looked at each other and helped her up to take her back to the cabin.

3 Hours Ago

"Choi San! I told you to help me pack up food and water for the camp. What on earth are you doing?" San's sister, Haneul, said, clearly irritated by her younger brother's actions.

San was at the doorstep, sitting down with his hands on either side of his cheeks, contemplating his life choices.

Should I still go out with them? He thought to himself.

San stood up abruptly and went inside to help his sister with packing. 

After packing their things, San headed out towards the front of their house with a bag in hand, waiting for his sister to go out.

Suddenly, a truck stopped by and a man walked out heading towards San's direction.

The man's hand covered his mouth while the other hand took his bag and dropped it on the ground as he dragged him back to the truck.

San's sister got out and saw that San was getting dragged by an unknown man towards the truck. She dropped the things she was holding and ran for them but the truck already sped up.

She was left there, panic washing over her face, not knowing what to do.

The truck was speeding through the highway as hiphop music blasted out the stereo.

"Wooyoung! I told you to never to pick me up like that again, someone might have seen you!" San shouted above the booming music inside the truck.

"Yeah I'm sorry it's actually more fun that way," Wooyoung shouted back with a playful smile as they danced to the music.

Wooyoung is San's friend who happens to be a scavenger. He and his gang robs settlements for supplies such as food, water, and medicine--sometimes money if they are lucky.

San was forced to join the gang to pay back Wooyoung's boss who saved them after the pandemic died down. If it weren't for him, they wouldn't be alive and healthy.

San didn't really like the idea of robbing people so he ends up being the getaway driver instead of going out and fighting with the others.

On the way to the settlement they were about to rob, San's eyes were slowly shutting and without hesitation, he drifted into sleep.

San was tied up with chains to a chair.

He opened his eyes and all he saw was darkness. In the darkness, however, a man emerged, staring intently into San's eyes. His lips was sealed off with a chained mask, and an hourglass sat upright on his right hand.

"It's not the reality that makes you lose your dream, it is your decision. Choose well. Will you live like this until your last breath, or will you follow your dream?" The man said with his raspy voice.

All San wanted was to be free from all this mayhem. He wanted to live in peace without disrupting other people's lives.

He wanted to break free from the chains.

He was afraid that one day it will eat up his conscience.

"Choose well." The voice of the man rang through San's ears and he jolted awake, still inside the moving truck.

His heart was beating so fast as sweat dribbled down his forehead.

The thought of running off without anything but a switchblade in the back of his pocket made him ecstatic but nervous at the same time. 

"Hey Wooyoung I think one of our tires are flat, mind checking it?" The driver said as he pushed the hazard button, slowly parking on the side of the road.

I'm sick of this. Now's my chance to go back. San thought to himself.

As the car abruptly stopped, he jumped out of the truck and ran to the direction that they came from with great speed, as if his whole life depended on it.

The driver noticed San escaping and their other gang member tried to run to get him but it was no use, he was already meters away.

"Come on just let him be, guys, I bet he didn't even like this job anyway," Wooyoung said with a broken smile as the two gang members came back to him.

Hours passed, San was exhausted. He laid down on the side of the road, covered in sweat. His lips dry, his throat parched and in need of water.

Is this how I'm going to leave the Earth? Will I not see my sister again? Did I really have to leave Wooyoung behind?

All these questions were running in his mind, asking for answers that he hopes would be given to him.

Suddenly a beam of light came to his view, the purrs of a car engine made him come to his senses. He held up a hand as a signal, hoping for the people inside to see.

The car tires screeched to a halt and San sighed in relief, smiling as his eyes looked up to the dark  sky. Pairs of feet got off the car to go to where San was lying down and one of them was his sister's.

"Choi San! You idiot! Why would you leave your older sister like that?" His sister cried as she cradled him in her arms, tears flowing freely down her face.

San smiled at her and shakily breathed out.

A pair of hands offered to help him sit down and gave him water to drink. San gulped it down as quickly as he can because he craved for water after running for such a while.

Yeosang and Seonghwa were the other two people that his sister was with. Seonghwa took their village captain's car while Yeosang helped Haneul to get supplies for the long ride.

Thanks to them they got to San just in time before he passes out. 

The boys helped San up to walk towards their car to let him rest and get settled down, his sister taking out a blanket from the trunk of the car to keep San warm.

"Hey, we're moving to another settlement. It was raided by a gang and we got out of there just before everything turned into chaos," Seonghwa announced and they all nodded in agreement.

They all got into the car with Seonghwa driving, Yeosang in the passenger's seat, and the Choi siblings at the back. They drove off to another area in hopes that a settlement or village will let them stay.

A day of driving passed by and they stumbled upon the village where Yunho and his brother was living in. There were people guarding the gates in case scavengers try to rob them of their supplies.

Seonghwa drove the car near the gate and notified them about what happened to their settlement.

They were brought in and they were met with Yunho and his brother, welcoming them to their village. They lived there for good and it was a pleasing sight. Everyone was smiling despite the struggles that they've been through.

Yes, there might be some challenges such as shortages of food and supplies; however what matters the most is that they're together, living on and living forward to where life takes them.

Even if the skies will never turn blue again, if the grasses never grew back its green shade, if the stars will never show up in the night sky, and if the sounds of the cicadas at night will never be heard from again, atleast all hope is not lost for humanity. 

[prettywordsyouleft]

Touch

Summary: Jaebum knew what you meant to him from the first time he saw you. That didn’t stop him from wanting to touch you to confirm you as his soulmate. Though touching you made him lose you from his life. Would he find you again?

Pairing: Im Jaebum x reader (ft. Park Jinyoung)

Genre: soulmate au / angst / romance

Warnings: Doctor Park apparently cannot help himself and reappears >_> (none)

A/N: So here it is, the long awaited, final spinoff to the Destined world. When I introduced Officer Im in To Love You, a lot of you wanted to know more about his journey with his soulmate. I dubbed her Kat in that story, which makes this special because I’ve written this story for my wonderful friend @listlessmaenads‘s birthday… I’m sorry it took so long, but I hope it is worth the wait.

Word count: 7408

This is part of the Destined world. You can read this without the knowledge of the series, but to tie it altogether, I recommend reading the others in the series linked below.

Destined series: Destined // To Love You // Forever 

It was ironic. Everyone would always talk about when you met your soulmate. There was hardly any discussion of what would happen after, outside of the typical happily ever after scenario.

Because you were meant to be with your destined partner forever.

Perhaps the lack of information was why Jaebum struggled now. There was nothing to tell him what to do without you. Sure, he wasn’t completely naïve. There were people who met their soulmates and lost them through accidents or poor health. That was just life. At least then, the remaining partner is left with a final answer. Your soulmate wouldn’t come back to life and you would continue in this world in the best way you saw fit.

But you hadn’t died. You were still out there somewhere.

That was why he struggled. How was Jaebum meant to go on without you in his world, when you had so easily become everything he lived for?

“Y/N, don’t go over there!” a voice called out sternly and Jaebum stared at you on the other side of the fence to the kindergarten play yard, your own eyes desperate to see why everyone behind him sounded so happy. This wasn’t your first time standing there watching as all the children played together energetically. Sometimes you would cry, begging the adult who would come to collect you that you wanted to play too. You were always dragged away, screaming and kicking until you were no longer within his sight.

And each time Jaebum would come over to the fence, wishing he had some way to break you free from your confines and help sneak you into the playground.

He couldn’t play when he saw you looking so miserable.

Over the weeks, he had learned a little more about you. If he was quick enough to reach you before the adults did, he would talk to you or offer you gifts. He once gave you his favourite rock that he had been carrying around in his pocket ever since he found it. And in return, you gave him one of your cat-themed hair clips with a smile.

“Keep it safe for me,” you instructed as you slipped it through the fence and tossed it into his open palms, smiling brightly. “One day, I’ll come in there and then I’ll take it back, okay?”

You never did make it into the kindergarten grounds, but when Jaebum started his third year of school, he recognised you immediately as you walked into his classroom. And as your eyes nervously scanned the faces within the room, when you settled on his, you smiled.

Jaebum grinned back at you and that was the start of your budding friendship.

“So you can’t come to my birthday party?” he asked sadly, and you didn’t respond, lowering your head instead. Jaebum didn’t like when your long hair fell like a veil over your face and he instinctively reached out to shift it aside, but you were faster, scooting away from his touch and blinking back your emotions rapidly.

He winced and tried to cheer you up. “It’s okay. I could bring you some birthday cake to school.”

“You would do that for me?” you asked, staring back at him wide-eyed.

“Of course!”

“Why?”

Jaebum frowned. “Because we’re friends.”

A small smile crossed your lips and you repeated the word several times over, liking the sound of it rolling off your tongue. “We’re really friends, right?”

“I just said we are.”

“One day, when I ask you to, would you help your friend escape?” you asked earnestly and despite his age, Jaebum knew you were serious about it. He watched as you pleaded with him silently, your eyes begging him to agree.

He nodded, smiling at you. “I’ll do anything to help you, Y/N.”

Over the years, Jaebum realised that your family weren’t mean people as he once believed of them to be; rather you were from the richest family in this town. It meant that you were treated like a prized possession and subsequently denied the same experiences Jaebum had in fear you would be tarnished in some way. He was actually surprised you weren’t home-schooled with how strict your family were about everything when it came to you. Every day you were chaperoned to and from school, with zero time after the end of the school day to hang out with friends. It made it hard for you to keep up with the happenings of the people around you and eventually, led to you shutting off from attempting to remain on friendly terms with most of your classmates.

Except with Jaebum, of course.

You rolled your eyes dramatically. “Don’t you have something better to do?”

“No, I think annoying you will suffice.”

You couldn’t hide the small smile that graced your lips, though you moved away from him when he tried to flick a crumb from your lunch off your uniform. Some things had never changed. From the first time Jaebum met you as a child, to now as middle-schoolers, not once had you actually touched him. Or anyone for that matter. You had an exemption from team projects and had successfully avoided physical connection with anyone. He had asked you about it once, and you had mentioned you would be in grave trouble if your parents ever found out you had allowed yourself to touch another human.

“But why? Are they scared you’ll meet your soulmate and run away?” he had joked but the sincerity in your expression made Jaebum realise that was exactly it.

Now and then, he wanted to test the barrier between you. Surely, you couldn’t spend the rest of your life not touching another person. And so, as usual, whenever Jaebum found you alone in the library, he leaned in closer to you, the lack of space not allowing you to move away.

“Jaebum,” you warned as he stared at you, his eyes falling captive with soaking you in.

Just as he had done as a child, his own habit of getting lost staring at you hadn’t changed once. He could do this all day long. In fact, his grades last year had suffered from his inability to stop staring at you.

You let out a huff of air. “Jaebum, you’re doing it again.”

“Does it bother you?” he murmured and you blinked a couple of times, chewing on your lip in thought. He leaned in even closer and for a moment, he actually thought your bodies might brush up against each other with the close proximity he now held. It made him anxious, as if every cell within his body was on high alert. Jaebum never knew why he was so fascinated with the idea of being the first person you reached out for, but it was a goal all the same. He yearned to hold your hand and let you know it was safe to do so.

Reality knocked on you both, or in this case rang, the end of lunch bell signalled the afternoon classes were about to begin. He leapt back in fright, whining when he smacked his leg into the side of the table you were both seated at. You seemed just as afflicted as he was with his pain before giggling lightly. “Serves you right.”

“Don’t laugh at my pain.”

“Why not? You were pushing the boundaries.”

Jaebum stared at you. “Do you plan on never touching anyone?”

You didn’t reply, avoiding his gaze. Jaebum stepped into your view, walking backwards towards your classroom. You held out a hand towards him and shook it. “Move before you fall.”

“Why, if I trip, will you just let me fall?”

“What is wrong with you today? Can’t you respect my wishes?”

A wry smile crossed his lips. “Are they really yours?”

“Jaebum, come on, stop it.”

“I’m doing nothing wrong!”

You attempted to step around him and he sidestepped to block your escape, his chuckle outdoing your grumble. You glared at him. “You’re not funny.”

“Not trying to be.”

“Why does it matter so much if you touch me or not?!” you asked exasperatedly and he stopped moving altogether, your stop unstable as not to bang into him. You teetered on your heels, eyes wide with your lack of balance.

Jaebum put his arms out to catch you before you fell, though you staggered back, avoiding his offer and instead heavily banged into the wall beside you. He groaned as if he felt the pain himself.

Neither of you spoke for a minute, both staring at each other as the emotions flooded you. He could see how bothered you were, but fear outweighed your annoyance. He was surprised and hurt by your avoidance, and his chest felt restricted from your open rejection.

It was more painful this time around. Especially since he knew what you were to him. Jaebum was certain of it.

Collecting himself, he shrugged and turned on his heel, stalking away from you. “Jaebum!”

“Don’t bother, maybe I’m wrong.”

It was the longest period of time since you had re-entered his world that Jaebum had gone without talking to you. Part of him felt it was petty, and it probably was. He had respected your wishes for so many years now, so why could he no longer accept it? He didn’t want to admit it mattered to him whether you let him touch you or not. Because it did mean something. When you were in pain, and he experienced a similar sensation at the same time had been enough to start cementing the idea in his mind. Some nights, Jaebum would lay upon his bed and think back to the very start, of when he would rush over to the kindergarten fence to greet you. He had no real reason to. He hadn’t ever been a curious child; he just went with the flow and did what the majority of his peers would. And none of them came over to see who you were.

Just him.

He had been fascinated with you for years.

Fascination had its limitations without further knowledge though and Jaebum was frustrated. It irked him that you would openly avoid him, the one constant in your world. If he didn’t know how much you cherished his friendship just by gazing into your eyes to see the warmth they held for him, he would have given up by now. Just like everyone else had. You were too closed off from the world for most people to handle.

And even if, to him, you felt like an open book some days, Jaebum was starting to realise he had limited access to how you truly felt. It hurt more than it should and that was the real reason he hadn’t spoken to you in three weeks. He was embarrassed that he had given you every part of himself and received little in return.

That was why he ignored your calls out to him, bowing his head low to avoid you seeing his emotions rise on his face as he did so. It pained him to witness the sadness in your eyes, and if he didn’t see it, the ache in his chest wouldn’t get any larger than it already was. There was no real winner in this situation, your misery, whether he saw it or not, would cast over his world like a gloomy day took away the sunshine.

But Jaebum was learning about his pride. He needed to stand up for himself before he fell at your feet completely.

For another week, Jaebum managed to avoid you until you confronted him finally, not letting him pass you by. “Are you really sulking over this?”

He didn’t reply, merely jutting out his jaw in petulance, annoyance rising in his chest at your term. Jaebum didn’t see it as sulking, he had a right to be offended, hurt by your lack of trust in him.

As if you read his thoughts, you leaned down so you could catch his gaze, softening your expression a little. He couldn’t help but stare back at you greedily. Had he really not looked at you over the last month? You didn’t look as bright as you once did and his chest ached heavily.

“I trust you with my entire life, Im Jaebum.”

Glancing up properly, he swallowed roughly back the multitude of feelings that rushed to the surface from your sentence. Jaebum wasn’t ready to smile and give in to your whims, even if he wanted to. It was hard to force back the immediate elation, to challenge you instead. Yet he managed to shrug, seemingly nonchalant. “Sure you do.”

“You don’t believe me?” you asked, half-whispered, and he had to close his eyes before your first tear rolled down your cheeks. “You’re the only person in my life that I know I want to be around forever.”

He couldn’t answer this time, not because of annoyance, but the lump in his throat from hearing your shaky voice had rendered him unable to. You seemed to notice this and coughed back the rest of your emotions, clearing your throat before continuing.

“I think you’re my soulmate too.”

Your announcement rocked Jaebum’s world and for a moment he was stunned, before he propelled himself forward, eager to find out if you truly were. Touch was all that was left on his list to cement your connection and it still eluded him as you took a step back, heaving a little with his sudden approach. You shot him a smile. “I know we’re soulmates, Jaebum. Which is why I need you to trust in me. Give me some time to figure out how to deal with the impending consequences of when I let you touch me.”

“What consequences?”

For a moment you didn’t respond, though your cheeks had flared up with colour. Whatever you were imagining now had him uneasy, kicking the toe of his shoe slowly across the tile of the floor. He started to think of what would happen after connection and his boyish fantasies of kissing you flooded to the forefront of his mind. His face felt hot now. “Oh, uh… oh.”

You giggled and nodded slowly. “I don’t think holding your hand would be the best thing for me to do right now. Even though I want to. Because I think if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let go. And with how my family is…”

You stopped for a moment, the wash of concern erasing your happiness. After chewing your wobbly lip for a moment, you braved him a watery smile. “I just don’t want them to take me away from you.”

Jaebum knew he would wait for as long as he had to now. You were right, even if he craved it like no other, physical connection wasn’t needed to confirm what his heart and mind already had.

You were his already.

With the promise of adulthood almost around the corner, your relationship shifted dramatically. Surprisingly, neither of you had succumbed to teenage desires, though there definitely had been some close calls. Perhaps it was due to your extremely limited access to the outside world still, with school being your only escape from your home on the hill. Jaebum had exclaimed that it should be a crime to keep someone captive when there was so much to see and experience. And whilst you would always joke about being a princess locked in your tower, Jaebum was never able to become a knight in shining armour for you.

Until one afternoon.

“What did you just say?” he uttered, eyes blown wide at your suggestion.

Your recklessness was evident in your gaze, and you stifled a giggle. “Let’s go now.”

“Where, to Art class? That’s where-”

“No.” You shook your head, stepping closer to him and halting his ability to breathe. “I want to go somewhere other than classes. Let’s ditch the afternoon.”

“Are you the Y/N I’ve known for years now or did something possess you?” he wondered and you rolled your eyes, stalking down the hallway towards the exit. Jaebum jogged to catch up to you, fingering his car keys within his pocket. Being at school without you there didn’t appeal to him anyway.

However, he stopped once you were both standing by his car, looking at you hesitantly. Why was he so nervous? It wasn’t as if you were two delinquents who did this often. Nor was he some honour roll student who followed the school rules like some mantra. No, he was just a regular student who could make exceptions for you.

“Open the car, Jae.”

He wanted to ask you if you knew the implications of what was about to occur. As he unlocked the doors and climbed inside, he knew this wasn’t some spur of the moment rebellion. You had clearly been planning this. Jaebum had just been blind to what occupied your thoughts for some time.

Any hesitation evaporated as soon as he ignited the engine and pulled out of the school lot.

Jaebum took you to the beach.

If there had been one place he wanted to take you to first, this was it. The weather wasn’t all that warm, which meant there was no one else around. You smiled before you stepped out onto the sand, soon dancing through the dunes and over to the water. You played together as children would, frolicking around and kicking water at each other. Your laughter was swept away with the wind and soon the air was sending a chill down each of your backs. Still, you remained at the beach, now walking side by side along the edge of the water in silence.

Words weren’t needed right now. It was the first time he had ever been alone with you. No fellow students, teachers, parents, it was as if this endless beach belonged to you both. The waves crashed and rolled in closer to you both, a threat lingering further out at sea. The impending consequence on the horizon. It was too far out for it to be a sole focus now, up here where the waves were gentler. And without any warning, he felt it.

Your hand slipped into his effortlessly, as if it was made to fit seamlessly against his. He held it instantly, feeling more purpose within that action than anything else in his life. The shy smile that crossed your lips spread his own out wide.

And by the time you were heading back to his car, lips on lips were all you and he could think of.

“We should go before we do something more.”

“We should do it all today,” you refuted, your gaze flitting from his eyes to his mouth for the umpteenth time. Jaebum’s followed suit, wondering if you would taste as good as your cherry lips looked.

“Is there something I should know about? Some magical clock ticking over our heads rushing us? Will you be locked away for good after this?”

He shouldn’t have joked about it and when you laughed and shook your head in response, it was careless of you not to consider that there was another hand in this relationship. Already suffocating out the air that had started to overflow on this day.

Still, the focus was there. Why were you so eager to kiss him? Just holding your hand had every sense alive within him. What would happen when his lips met yours? He craved the knowledge, yet didn’t actively reach for it either. He had gotten all too used to waiting on your permission to move across this board. He followed his queen around as the knight he had been destined to become.

“Don’t you think we’ve waited far too long?”

“Might I remind you, I was eager to do this a long time ago.”

You smirked. “I remember. I thought becoming a teenager would make you more reckless though.”

“Are you claiming I’m tamed?”

Shrugging, you giggled as you turned away from him, moving towards his car. Jaebum followed, as he always did. Yet this time, he stopped you from getting inside, entrapping you against the door with a hand on either side of your head. You chewed your luscious lips with anticipation and a groan rumbled from within his chest.

“I can be reckless too,” he informed, pressing his lips firmly on yours. Sparks flew much like your hair was within the wind. He let his hands fall from the doorframe to smooth down your tresses, slipping to the nape of your neck as the kiss deepened.

His soul was hungry for more and you weren’t holding back from offering it. Your hands gripped tightly to his shoulder blades, burning the skin that laid underneath them with your touch. It was overwhelming and when he finally pulled away, it wasn’t for anything more than a need for air.

Your eyes were shot and your lips were swollen. In his mind, you had never looked this beautiful before. Tenderly reaching up to cup his cheek, you smiled. “I love you, Jaebum.”

“I’ve always loved you,” he replied, kissing you again and again.

When the wind had settled, so had you both, climbing into his car and driving around aimlessly. The skies turned multihued, striking colours before your eyes and then the night enveloped the sun, littering the heavens with stars. You found a place to eat, and the skill to do so whilst never letting go of one another. And then you directed him to a place just on the outskirts of town, surprising him of your knowledge when he had been certain you never left your home except for school.

Smiling, you jumped out of the car and headed towards the abandoned home, entering it as if you owned it. And like usual, Jaebum followed you in.

“Should we be in here?”

“Should we go home?” you countered and Jaebum tilted his head to the side, giving in to your smile yet again. You grinned and placed down your bag. He hadn’t noticed you bring it inside, nor had he seen how full it was today. Unzipping it, you pulled out a blanket and laid it down on the floor before sitting on it. “Whilst you played in playgrounds, I spent my time up here. This is my grandmother’s home.”

He looked around the vacant space for more answers, frowning as he sat down beside you. “Why has it been let go?”

“She wasn’t the reason for our wealth. My mother was born poor, and my grandmother was ill when I was a child.” Leaning back on your arms, you seemed lost in fond memories of what this place once was. “My happiest moments were in this house.”

“You mean, you haven’t been happy with me?”

Looking over at him, you shook your head. “Not until today.”

Jaebum could understand. The shackles around you meant experiencing true feelings would have been hard for you. He was certain you had never smiled as much as you had done so today. Staring around at the darkened living space, he pointed to a clear colour difference on the wall. “What was once there?”

“A family portrait.”

He asked more questions and you answered them, your bodies naturally getting tangled in the process. With your head resting on his shoulder and his arm holding you to his side, the questions slowly stopped mattering. Kisses began again, the addiction ever present with every caress of his mouth on yours. Desire licked at his abdomen, and tightened his pants. Jaebum groaned when your leg inadvertently passed over his affected area and you sat back, blinking slowly.

Embarrassment heated his skin. “It’s just that uh, well, you do things to me.”

“Should I do more?” you offered, and the intense gaze you held weakened his resolve. Were you really insinuating you went all the way tonight? Glancing away, at the house you had brought him to, he understood why you were both here now.

Jaebum brushed the hair away from your face. “Tonight is all we have?”

“I won’t let it stop here, but if there is a chance that this is our only open window for some time, I want to do everything.”

“I wasn’t as prepared as you have been, you should have given me some warning,” he admitted and you smiled encouragingly, reaching over for your bag again. You retrieved a foil package and he shot you an inquisitive look. Your cheeks flushed with colour. “I made sure I had everything for today, just in case.”

Jaebum took over from there, ensuring you felt everything you possibly could whilst the night grew darker outside. And just before dawn, you drove back in silence, Jaebum finally pulling up outside where you lived. He didn’t want to let you go, his gut instinct reluctant to even stop the car.

You smiled and leaned over to kiss him. “We don’t end here.”

“I’m just worried. Maybe we should run away. If we leave and never return, no one can tear us apart.”

“No one can now anyway,” you assured, kissing him again. “Not after how we spent tonight.”

He couldn’t hold back his smile, nodding once in agreement. You heaved a deep breath before you finally let him go, slipping out of the car and into the gated residence.

You weren’t at school the next day. Nor the following day either. In fact, for an entire week, you held no appearance in his world, as if the night shared together had somehow snuffed you out of his existence when daylight came. He drove to your neighbourhood often, watching for movement within the home.

Yet there was nothing.

Jaebum didn’t go to school on Monday. He couldn’t face it without you there. And when the doorbell rang, he didn’t shift from his bed to answer it either. It wasn’t until his Mum entered his room and handed him a package that he stirred away from his heavy thoughts. “Were you waiting on something?”

Glancing at the handwriting on the box, Jaebum sat up, taking it immediately from her and opening it hastily. He stopped moving altogether when he saw the contents. Inside laid a rock he had once carried with him every day as a child. And beside it laid a note.

Find me.

“Get in here!” a voice instructed and the sounds of a drunken protest filled the early morning within the station. Jaebum chuckled to himself yet didn’t look up to see what was going on, his gaze glued to the computer system in front of him.

Much like it always was.

“Why are you apprehending me? I am not someone who needs to be brought here!”

“That’s what they all say and yet it’s for your own good. A night in the cell will sober you right up and you won’t think of causing such a scene again,” the officer scolded tiredly, the sounds of the small cell in the corner opening and shutting following his words. And then the constable came over and slumped into the chair beside Jaebum. “Has it been busy?”

“Only a dispatch for a traffic offence but the neighbouring station picked it up instead.”

“I hate working the graveyard shift on a Saturday,” his colleague mentioned with a groan and Jaebum merely smiled. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard the proclamation and it wouldn’t be the last.

However, Jaebum had no issues with working through the night. Sometimes, it would be busier than tonight and whilst he preferred being parked up at the front desk taking down complaints and sorting out minor disputes, getting out into the neighbourhood was welcomed when he felt the dread of being unsuccessful settle into his chest.

“Listen here!” the drunkard demanded and Jaebum quirked an eyebrow before turning to face the apprehended man. He was surprised to see someone of similar age within the cell, his tousled designer dress pants and shirt looking out of place behind bars. The raven haired man pointed a finger directly at him. “I need to find her okay? I won’t stop until I find her!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ve been saying that over and over but you know what? You can’t find someone who you don’t have in your phone to ring, mate.”

Jaebum glanced at the fellow officer. “Who is he looking for?”

“Beats me, he’s been ranting on about lost love the whole way over here. I reckon he’s broken up with his girlfriend and gotten drunk over it or something.”

The man in the cell laughed a little too much in response. “How dare you address my soulmate as a mere girlfriend!”

Jaebum couldn’t help but look back at the man. He looked broken, despair filling his features as he crouched down in the corner by the bed. Cupping his face within his hand, he began to cry, rocking back and forth in his position.

“I miss her! I should have told her I wanted to be in her life. I would do anything to find her!”

Jaebum slowly turned to the screen in front of him. Records and previous searches stared back at him, your name in various forms attempted without any leads. He hadn’t found you in years. Not when he was without power had a trace been left to follow and after working hard to become a police officer, ten years after your disappearance from his world, Jaebum was still without you.

He wondered if he would ever find you.

After some time, the station grew silent, bar the heavy snoring of his partner. Jaebum needed a break from the chair he had been seated in for all too long and headed into the staff room, making himself a cup of coffee. Nights like these were hard to get by. When it was quiet, he would search for you. The data was endless, but whenever he felt he was close, the details wouldn’t match. He was certain by now that your family had changed your name, making it impossible for him to find you.

Why had they taken you away? What harm did he pose to your life? Still, after all these years, he couldn’t understand. He thought back to his childhood belief that your family were cruel people, not having anything else to go on. They had plucked you up, using their wealth and status to disappear without a trace.

Pouring a second cup of coffee, Jaebum dejectedly headed back out into the main floor of the station, his eyes going towards the man in the cell. He was no longer crying or protesting, instead, he remained silent on the floor, staring at nothing in particular.

His brooding felt similar and Jaebum cleared his throat to garner his attention. “Park Jinyoung?”

Holding out the coffee, the man got up and thanked him softly for the beverage through the bars. Jaebum didn’t shift away, watching as he drank some of the bitter drink and attempted to think of something to say.

Jinyoung beat him to it. “Have you ever felt as if, no matter what you do, you can’t get back what you let go of in the past?”

“Every day,” Jaebum responded, and Jinyoung glanced up at him in surprise.

He then sighed heavily. “I’m sure you’re not as foolish as I once was.”

“Well, getting drunk over your pain is something a lot of people experience in life. A police officer isn’t immune to it either.”

“I let her go before even giving it a shot. You’d think I would have been able to move on by now, yet every day my heart aches for her.”

“Some people just affect you for the rest of your life,” Jaebum mentioned softly and the man nodded in agreement. “It’s been some time since I saw my soulmate too.”

Jinyoung swallowed his mouthful and then frowned. “Did you lose her?”

“Not in the way most people do.”

“She’s still alive?”

Jaebum nodded.

At least, he was certain you were. Now and then, he would feel the emotions he would whenever you were in pain or upset, though they were dull in comparison to when he was able to see you every day. It led Jaebum to believe you were still out there, the only fuel he had left towards his endless search of you.

“How do you find someone you only know so little about?” Jinyoung wondered, his dark gaze turning earnest. “Can you find someone by a name?”

“In theory.”

“As an officer, shouldn’t you be able to access a database that lists the majority of society on it? Everyone has a record, right? Social numbers, health identifiers, shouldn’t they lead you to the person? An easy search, right?”

Jaebum chuckled, shrugging bitterly. “People can change information. If they don’t want to be found, they can remain that way.”

“Of course, this world is twisted after all.”

“Is your soulmate alive too?” Jaebum questioned and Jinyoung nodded. The man proceeded to tell Jaebum of his ill-fated meeting, the premature departure of his destined partner from his world and the consequences thereafter. He sympathised with the doctor, knowing some of the pain that he carried around daily.

It was the same Jaebum carried for you.

In return, Jaebum explained his own situation and by the end of it, Jinyoung felt more like a comrade than anything else. Jaebum’s shift ended when he opened up the cell, and instead of parting ways, he offered to buy breakfast.

Jinyoung looked up through his meal midway. “Even if it’s a small chance, you’ll actually search for her for me?”

“It’s my duty to serve the nation and help them with their needs,” Jaebum mentioned with a grin, Jinyoung’s lips curling up with renewed hope.

“Anything is worth a go. I need to right my wrongs,” he admitted and Jaebum nodded. After a few more mouthfuls, the man looked up again, his smile spreading over his lips. “I have a way to find someone as well, you know.”

“I’m listening.”

“Medical records have personal information on them. I’m not saying I’ll find anything, but I can certainly look it up. Here, I’ll give you my card. Message me all the formations of Y/N’s name and her date of birth. I’ll check it once I’m at work tomorrow.”

The elation of making his new connection with Jinyoung was short-lived. Jaebum had known better, but the hope he felt over another possible path forward had lent him too much with no return.

Not that he had been successful with finding Jinyoung’s soulmate either.

For the following months, the pair met regularly. It was comforting to finally have someone who understood the pain Jaebum held within his chest. Jinyoung became a good friend to him, ready to build him back up when despair hit and encourage him forward with new plans. Neither of them was any closer in their search but their friendship was positive for Jaebum. It meant he wasn’t alone.

And when he got close to finding you, it meant he had someone backing him up for once.

“I think I may have a lead on a name,” he told the doctor over the phone, pulling up the file he had stumbled across earlier in the day. “Her birth date matches and her national health identifier number is also documented which is odd since she gave the officer an international driver’s licence. It looks like she had an altercation a month ago with a traffic offence after arriving back in the country. Could you look it up in your system for me?”

“Of course, what’s the number? I’ll take a look as soon as I’m done doing my rounds.”

Jaebum had texted Jinyoung the information and waited almost two hours on edge for the response.

It was another dead end.

Seven months passed by without much process on either soulmate. Both men were tired and decided to take a small break from their searches. A week away at the beach in his hometown renewed their focus, though Jaebum couldn’t help but feel as if he was seeing you wherever he went. Quick glimpses of what he imagined you would look like now out of the corner of his eye would occur at least once a day, though every time he turned his head, he would never find you there.

Jinyoung had admitted to visions of his own lost love, and Jaebum wondered if now was his turn to experience the phenomena. He was certain you were nearby, though he didn’t know how to seek you out.

“Let’s go door knocking. We can come up with some plausible reason for a cop and a doctor to be asking around, right?”

Jaebum rolled his eyes. “You’re not helping.”

“I’m trying to lighten your mood, you know.”

It was Jinyoung who found a lead in finding you first. Not even a month after returning to work, he had rung in a rush, his breath heavy down the line. Jaebum’s shifts were different than his friend’s and he groggily pulled himself away from another dream about you. “What did you say?”

“I think I found Y/N.”

Sitting up with a start, he listened to the doctor prattle on about a building collapse that happened in Jaebum’s hometown. The injuries ranged from critical to minor, and when he was checking over the list of patients admitted, the file Jaebum had been looking up months ago with the medical number had matched up. The hospital there had been overwhelmed with the injuries so a lot had been transferred to his hospital in the city.

Jaebum barely heard anything else the doctor had to say as he yanked clothing onto his body and rushed out the door. He arrived at the hospital as fast as he could, running through to the emergency room and checking the faces within the beds. Not a single one matched yours, and he dropped into a chair outside the department, flinching when a hand rested on his shoulder.

Jaebum looked up, exasperated. “Where is she?”

“She has been discharged already, she had a gash to her arm and originally there was concern she had hit her head. However, results came back clear and she was good to go.”

“Already? My chance to find Y/N is over just like that?”

Jinyoung shook his head, holding up a piece of paper. Before he allowed Jaebum to take it, he gave his friend a stern look. “I’m not buying this defeatist attitude from you at all, Officer Im. If you give up, what hope do I have left? Here, my gift to you.”

“An address?” he hoped and the doctor nodded, handing it over. Jaebum held onto the paper as if it was somewhat precious. This was closer than he had ever been and he realised he was shaking with emotions.

“Don’t hate me if she’s not Y/N,” Jinyoung fare-welled and Jaebum numbly walked himself out to his car, getting in behind the steering wheel.

He sat there for some time, partially because he believed he wasn’t in the right frame of mind to drive, but also because he needed some kind of plan. All these years, he had been so adamant on finding you.

Now that he potentially had, what was the best step forward? Just show up on your doorstep and hope the part of your soul that craved his would recognise him immediately? What about your family? It had never dawned on him until now that you could have reached out to find him as well. You knew everything there was to him. Apart from moving to the city so he could become a police officer, nothing had changed.

Eventually, Jaebum arrived on the outskirts of his home town, driving passed the old lot where he had once spent the night with you. He was surprised to see the home had been knocked down since the last time he was here, the rubble being cleared away by contractors. He knew that the building collapse had been on the beachfront however, though it felt as if the removal of the derelict home that had once stood there held some significance right now. Driving to his destination, Jaebum pulled up outside the townhouses that lined the marine parade, looking towards the number he required.

He knocked on the door, waiting on the doorstep for some time without an answer. Were you not back from the hospital yet yourself? He didn’t know what form of transportation you had taken, and figuring he should come back within an hour, Jaebum headed across to the beach instead.

It was cool, the sunny weather that had enticed both him and Jinyoung here last month had washed out with the warm sea, replaced with chilly winds and crashing waves. It was comforting walking along the beach he had once spent an entire afternoon with you. As he trailed up towards the gulf, he thought back over every moment you shared together, from the first time you touched, to your hand slipping out of his that last time. That day had never left his memory, not once. He wouldn’t allow the details to fade over time, keeping it alive as if it had happened the day before. He could almost feel you as he turned back for the beach entrance now, your kisses lingering in the freezing air that hit his face.

As he neared the spot where he had parked up that day, his heart began to thud unevenly. Was it from the memory of pressing you against his car? Inadvertently, he had parked in the same spot as he had that day, though his car was different, it had attracted the attention of someone.

Stopping, he watched as the woman peered into the vehicle curiously, her lips pouting softly. When she turned away, he noticed the bandage on her arm.

Your arm.

“Y/N!” he called upon the wind, and it travelled to you, sending your hair flying about your face. You spun around, eyes widened by his voice. Jaebum started to move, the sand dunes slowing him somewhat, climbing back up to the parking lot where you remained frozen.

He panted when he finally stopped in front of you, now blinking rapidly to ensure he wasn’t hallucinating. Every time his eyes reopened, you were still staring back at him, stuck in the position you had been left rendered speechless within. Jaebum shifted first and you moved back, your eyes searching his.

“Y/N,” he repeated, this time with a smile. He stared down at you for what felt like an eternity. You had aged just how he had imagined you to, your teenage years far behind you, yet you still looked youthful. Your hairstyle was different, and you had lost some of the weight in your face.

You were still beautiful.

“Jaebum,” you breathed and he felt himself grinning, though he couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. It made you roll your own, the humour evident in your tone that followed. “You’re doing it again.”

He didn’t miss a beat, the words he once spoke to you as a child falling out effortlessly. “Does it bother you?”

Leaning in closer, you shifted back into his car, leaving little room for escape. He chuckled. “Will you avoid me touching you now as well?”

“It’s been so long, who knows where those hands have been,” you quipped, though he saw the way you steeled your breath in anticipation. Your hands were at the ready, and when he reached out for you, it was instantaneous. His lips found yours, his hands were in your hair and you were pressed against him as if no time had passed from that afternoon. The kisses were even better than how he remembered them. You tasted sweeter, if that was even possible, and his mind reeled from the explosion of your combined yearning.

His plan of taking it slow and talking it out with you was well and truly gone. He didn’t need to know where you had been or what had happened over all these years.

At least, the knowledge wasn’t as pressing as he thought it had been.

It could all wait until later. Right now, he could only think of how you felt being back in his arms.

He had finally found you. And this time, he wasn’t going to ever let go.

_________________

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[lcnguor]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all have witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

Mun Name: Mik      Age: 26       Contact: IM, discord, smoke signal, whatever.

Character(s) I rp: Nora, Spike. Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(for MM): Nora, most likely Current Fandom(s): Fandomless Fandom(s) you have an AU for:  pretty much everything I find around and hop on. My language(s): spanish, english.  Themes I’m interested in for rp:   Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: modern without supernatural, I do have some fantasy set up but eh. 

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be send by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?:   YES / NO   only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck. Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?:   YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?:  24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / au-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or occ?:  IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting:  ask, IM, discord, singing telegram, smoke signals, messeger pidgeos -- whatever dude. I will most likely talk and ramble a lot, I do like plotting and I squeeze my brains out to think in ways to rp with ppl. and I really suck at approaching others. really...

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner:  Ideas and somewhat more enthusiasm than me. I tend to shy away or feel very much awkward right off the bat if the person approaches me with not much to say or give. And honestly, some people really intimidate me because I am too hard on myself, so giving a bit of a pat on the back makes me relax more. I deal with a lot of anxiety and I know people run away the second I show it. 

When you notice the plotting is rather one-sided, what do you do?:  Mostly when I am doing the talk or coming with ideas or looking generally more interested. It takes effort for me to get on things and actually do stuff but if it’s not the other way around I end up thinking they got bored of me. I am one hell of insecure person. As for what I do, if after many tries of trying to reach another person and end up feeling rejected or ignored, then ... I stop. What’s the point of insisting if the other person would just be awkward or not spare you a word?

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?:  well, I usually ask first what the other thinks or have in mind, if nothing, I either suggest or start brainstorming with the other person. I know some who have dealt with me at first I seem like a dettached person but not having ideas really makes me feel like I have not much right to talk. I want to give yet without impossing or letting it twist my arm. I know for a fact nora’s lore really doesn’t help shit for most things. 

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if the thread was meaningful and we were really into it , then I would ask but as for the most, I don’t really bother with it. Sometimes people just lose muse, and even if I was enjoying it, I don’t have the right  to force someone or ask why they stopped. thread dropping is normal, i guess.  - What should your partner do when dropping a thread?:  whatever they want. telling me or not is up to them, I don’t really mind. RP is not something SUPER serious like it should be just perfect. I try to convice myself of this a lot.

What could possibly lead you to drop a thread?:  either because it was old as fuck, I couldn’t find muse or because it was lost in the void of tumblr’s amazing tracking system. - Will you tell your partner?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you?   YES / NO. - And why?:  if I do not have some idea of who am i rping with and what they have in mind, then it’s nearly impossible. being purely IC is really uncomfortable and could lead to a lot of misundertandings. - Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?:  yeah. mostly yeah -- I mean, I will feel bad, I do have feelings, but I will take it with water. - Do you think you can handle such situation in a mature way?  YES ( but I will feel bad anyways ) / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?:  connect with others, ramble a lot about characters, have fun. I’ve been rping since i was 12 ( back then it was not big deal your age apparently ) and having to connect with other people by making these plots and stories and just having a fun time is something that brings me joy. There’s so much that can be done. And exploring my muses with other muses influences is really helpful to fill the holes left due indecisiveness.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios:  I wish people joined my lore more. Having muses that could be in the same story department as Nora in particular, would be hella and inspire me more. There is so much I have. Explore nora’s power is also something I want but it’s hard -- it’s very invasive and not many would really like it, feeling it’s meta. For now, I don’t really have other muses and Spike has her little crew outside tumblr.

Themes I won’t ever rp / explore:  umm, it’s hard to think in something in particular. But mostly stuff that collides with nora’s story/character. but there is a lot I am willing to explore.

What Type of Starters do you prefer / dislike, can’t work with?: casual starters are my fab. It’s easier to figure out how  to go or stop and think. plotted ones also work. as for what I dislike or cannot work with, things that force my muse to not act how they would? not giving me something solid is hard to handle. 

What type of characters catch your interest the most?:  I really like out of the norm muses, something that you see and say /oh , look at that/. Aesthetically, story wise or personality wise, something that goes out the usual troup most would use. I do have a guilty pleasure for opposite to my muse characters --- something that would really show the contrast with one another.

What type of characters catch your interest the least?:  Very basic ones? or those who try TOO hard to be special. A character that doesn’t fit in the context they are in, esp. in fandoms. HEAVILY divergent characters that just basically turn them into OCs. I know I sound like a bitch but I am the type who respect canon and the actual author behind the character too much. Also those that I don’t know much about? as in, the fandom never managed to catch my interest or smth in that line.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?:  I know where is the line between fiction and reality. And that what your character does it does not reflect as the person you actually are. I am pretty laid back and I understand people’s views and reasoning. idk. I draw a lot if I am super invested ?

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I am super sporadic and can go from being super active to flat out dead for weeks. my mood swings a lot with the amount of attention I get, as horrible as it sounds. I am very anxious as a person for reasons ( not IRL mostly, just bad experience from previous partners ). I promise a lot but do little? honestly I will just bad mouth myself if I keep writing this.

Do you rp smut?:  YES ( tho mostly on discord ) / NO. Do you prefer to go into detail?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?:  YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?:  both? - Anything you would not want to rp there?:  ehhhh, idk -- i don’t do as much to know what I don’t like here.

Are ships important to you?:   YES / NO / RELATIVE. Would you say your blog is ship-focused?:   YES / NO. Do you use read more?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Are you: Multi-Ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  Multiverse / Singleverse. - What do you love to explore the most in your ships?:  the very nature of human relations. I am talking about Nora big time here -- there is a lot to explore in her relations and how she reacts and acts towards someone is very very contextual. How much she fakes, how much she is sincere, how much she struggles or how relaxed can be. force her to show her real self, which is very hazy even for her as a task. Be very poetic deep and also very shallow. I particulary see her as a character that REALLY depends on her relation with the other muse -- but generally speaking for any of my muses: I love to explore them as a pair and as individuals. - What is your smut tag?: the unfamily friendly. ( new tag (?))

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: Anything? I am open to anything honestly. As long as it makes sense.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:  Anyone who is denying their feelings, are peculiar as an individual or anyone who needs an insight of themselves and the world around them. Nora is a mentor type of character, she is here to be a support and help others explore themselves and learn. Also if you are a minor, she will most likely try to get close to help -- one must protect the good sad kids.

- With what type of Muses do you usually struggle to rp with?:  Stubborn, very fixated with things. Who would not open themselves to other perspective without thinking someone is trying to change them. Also she would struggle a heck lot with psychopaths and sociopaths, or anyone that “doesn’t have a face” for her. - With what type of Muses do they usually work well with?:  Curious people, struggling ones, kids in general -- people that are willing to listen to her opinions and try to improve in a positive way. Also those who are quirky in a way. 

- What interests your Muse(s) in general:  rabbits, literature, interesting people, the unknown, learning, relationships of all natures.  - What do they desire, is their goal?:  Live long without letting her particularity ruin her -- for her kind nobody makes it past the 50s and she wants that , to conquer her ability and prove that even with something like she is ( they are ), it’s posible to live and be happy. have a family of her own, yeah she is that cheesy. - What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?:  Their actions and the emotions that they are carrying on their back.  - What do they value in a person?:    sincerity, willingness, enthusiasm. - What themes do they like talking about?:  a lot of phylosophic stuff, deep topics -- as well to casual things of life. about people and society. - Which themes bore them?:  excuses and avoidance -- people who are willing to drop everything and give up.

- Did they ever went through something traumatic?:  the attempt of suicide of her mother. and the successfull suicide of many of her peers. - What could possibly trigger them?:  any sort of threat or violence towards someone who does not asked for it. esp. her peers and family. - What could set them off, enrage them?:  Immoral ones. Those who are willing to stomp on others just to success in their goal. - What could lead to an instant kill?:  is not killing, but touch a hair of her family and you are done. same for her friends and protegees.

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?:  gorgers, suicide, her tired face. - Is there someone /-thing they love?:   her family and dear ones --- to a fault. rabbits or anything related to it.

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  any way is okay as long as is not threatening. - Where are they usually to find?:  during the night, in the streets -- during the day is either her workplace or her house. maybe a park near her apartment/location if she is feeling stuffy.

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?:  she is not a good person , she is willing to manipulate people and is constantly trying to impose her morals. but she is also very sensitive even if she doesn’t show it --- Nora does look tired for a reason , and one of them is because she cries a lot . 

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @skyvar​ Tagging:  @batoushoujo​ , @obtainedloss​ , @lorddiiavolo​ , @evanesense​ , @sunpierce​ , @necrotrigae​ , @maljefe​ , @ethaeria​ , @calpio​ , @veiliisms​

[alannah-corvaine]

epilogue;

It’s a habit that she knows she should break.

There’s no reason to return to the First, not when the Shard is settled and calm and things are bad back home. But the vaunted Warrior of Light can’t help herself, can’t stay away. There are things we cannot afford to lose, the Exarch had told her. His words have resonated with her more than he could ever know. Just not in the way that he had meant it. The world can’t afford to lose her. And Alannah…

...she can’t lose him.

She already has, of course. He was gone before she’d known she’d miss him, before the dust had even settled after their last meeting on the burning sands of Thanalan. She’d never expected to see him again, never expected to follow his footsteps back to the First. Never thought he’d be a misspoken memory maligned by a fate he’d never asked for, in whose footsteps she could do naught but tread. 

And then...to meet again the way that they had. To learn his thoughts and fears and the demons that haunted him, and to find that they mirror her own. His shoulder, though that of a specter, has seen more of her tears than her comrades of many years. How can she explain the connection between them when she barely understands it herself? 

In any case, she has long since served her purpose here. There are no more foes to vanquish, no shadows to peer into. No, her trips to the First since the fall of Emet-Selch have been unsanctioned and secret. They have to stop, she thinks. But she can’t stop.

Perhaps she could have, if it weren’t for the boy.

Alannah can’t decide if this is a cruelty or a kindness. If it were anybody else, she could not be sure, but his soul is entangled with hers, there is no mistaking it for another’s. 

The boy is young when they meet for the first time. The only time, because she keeps herself distant. He is innocent, ignorant of the deeds that have earned him this second chance. Alannah has decided that she will not be the one to tell him. He deserves a life free of pain and of worry. He deserves to be happy. 

So she watches from afar, easing the anxious ache in her chest with her various visits. Always a stranger, an unseen silent guardian. The time between worlds flows erratically, and though she is aware of its mysterious twisting and turning, she cannot help but be taken aback each time she returns. After an absence of weeks in the Source, she may visit once more to find that years have passed on the First.

To see him grown, a boy becoming a man, brings her a joy that borders on terror. The fear of losing him once more brings her back again and again, indulging in a selfish need that is unbecoming of the selfless Warrior of Light. And yet. 

This particular sojourn finds her hovering outside the window of a Kholusian tavern, her face hidden in the shadows cast by the flickering candles in the window. She has nearly made up her mind to go inside, determined to keep her cloak pulled tight around her with her hood hiding her features. Her eyes are drawn instantly to the youth seated at the center table, surrounded by loud and rowdy companions. These faces she knows too, and her heart gladens at the sight of them together once more. 

Putting aside her misgivings, she pushes the door open and enters. 

Instantly she is assaulted by anxiety, certain that the white of her hair and the unmistakable aura of power will give her away. But the tavern dwellers take no notice of her, strange and foreign as she is, and Alannah decides that the tense set of her shoulders is more like to make her stand out. She makes her way to a less occupied corner, murmuring her choice of drink to a maid as she passes by. 

The inn is crowded this eve, and as she weaves her way through the sea of people, she can’t help but feel awash in a celebratory warmth. Nigh on fifteen years have passed in the First since her victory over the Light, and not for a moment have the people taken their hard-won peace for granted. A dream-like calm enfolds her in its embrace, and she finds herself lost in memories as various faces pass her by.  

The twinkling lights dim and blur as her eyes become heavy. Soon a blink becomes a nod, and she succumbs to a drowsy comfort dragging her down beneath consciousness. Just for a moment, she thinks hazily, already lost to the tug of a sweet dream.

“Ardbert, ya lazy lout, put some muscle inta it!”

The large galdjent roars with laughter, even as beads of sweat dot his forehead. His companion, the dark-haired hume Ardbert, struggles to contain his own mirth as he grins fiercely at his friend. The two are locked in a mighty struggle of an arm wrestling match, neither willing to admit defeat, muscles straining as they wrest for dominance. 

“You’re getting soft on me, Branden,” he chuckles. Truth be told, his own arm is starting to shake from weakness, and there’s a very good chance he’s going to lose this match. Beside him, Renda-Rae lets loose a raucous cheer, and it’s obvious the mystel is deep in her cups.  Lammit and Nyelbert sit nearby deep in discussion about some finer point of magic that Arbert will readily admit he neither understands nor cares about. Still, their company is welcome, even if they have different interests. 

Moments later his arm falls, and Branden claims another victory. Chagrined, Ardbert pays for his next drink, lamenting the lightness of his coin purse. Shaking his head, he takes a long drought of his own ale. “We’re not finished here,” he declares, fighting a smile. “Not until I’ve won, anyway.” 

“If it’s a challenge you want, it’s a challenge you’ll get, boy!” Branden offers his outstretched hand once more, an amused twinkle in his eye, and Ardbert accepts it immediately.

“Wait wait wait wait wait!” Renda-Rae calls, halting their competition. “I say this contest needs some real stakes. What about…” the mystel taps her chin, deep in thought. “I got it! Loser has to wash the winner’s leathers for the next moon!” The men recoil in disgust, neither wanting to imagine such a scenario. Still, they agree, and the terms are set. They clasp arms once more, the beginnings of adrenaline coursing through their veins. 

As they await Renda-Rae’s command to start, Arbert takes a quick survey of the room. Most of the tavern’s patrons are familiar to him, having lived in this village their whole lives. They are men and women he has known for years, shared in their triumphs and their heartaches. Some few are strangers, but the town is no stranger to passersby, and their coin is always welcome. 

One such stranger he spies in a corner, hooded and unobtrusive. Something about them draws his eye, and he watches with interest as they suddenly jolt upright. The hood falls from their face, and now he can see that the stranger is a pale young woman. Her long hair is a brown darker than his, and as it spills around her he can see distinct strands of white threaded throughout. An interesting appearance for a woman who looks no older than his own age. 

She hurriedly rises from her seat, obviously in a rush as she makes for the door. Her gaze flickers across the room as she pauses at the door, and for the briefest instant his eyes catch hers. 

Wildfire erupts in his veins, and Renda-Rae’s voice is a million malms away as she calls the beginning of the match. The pressure against his hand is nothing against the sudden tidal surge of memory that threatens to drown him. All sound fades from the room, all sight from his eyes but the image of her face, burned into his being like a brand. 

“Oi, whatsa matter with him? You in there, Ardbert? Keep it up and you’ll be washing my underthings ‘til your next nameday!”

“I think he’s lookin’ at that girl. Look at ‘im, he’s completely besotted! I can’t believe me eyes.”

But Ardbert hears none of this. The roar of blood in his ears is too loud, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He knows her name, it’s on the tip of his tongue. A parade of images flashes in his mind, each one tightening a vice around his ribcage. Memories of another life, memories of an afterlife. Memories of her.

Midnights in her room. Fear and despair in her eyes. Her hand touching his, the brilliant light between them. Her laughter carried on the wind and a smile just for him. A final stand and her gift of redemption.

He can’t breathe. A pain such as he has never known in his life threatens to break him in half. He’s half out of his chair before he knows what he’s doing, tugging his hand away from Branden without acknowledgement of his sudden fervor. She’s already out the door, taking her answers with her. Panic ignites in his breast, and his fevered brain finally loosens its grip on her name. 

“ALANNAH.”

Stupid stupid stupid!

She should have never gone in there, should never have let herself get comfortable. To fall asleep here of all places! Her lack of diligence is astounding and this is probably why the Scions never let her go anywhere by herself. Alannah steps out into the darkening eve, drawing her cloak around her and adjusting her fallen hood. Sloppy, she sneers at herself in disgust.    

A disaster, that’s what she is, making these trips to the First when it’s all done and over. She’s the only one who can’t let go or move on. Sometimes, when she’s bitter, she wonders why she should. Her friends aren’t the ones with a fragmented soul, with a piece in the shape of the hole in her heart. There are some things that cannot be explained by words alone, that only the soul knows, some wounds that will never be whole again. 

A commotion from inside the inn catches her attention. A lone shout sends tingles up her spine, making her knees weak, and all the breath leaves her. She doesn’t know how, but she knows. Her heart beats frantically, erratically as the door slams open behind her. Her own name thrums in her ears, a radio signal calling her home. 

His harsh breathing and heavy steps come to a halt in her wake.

“Alannah.” 

A small sob escapes her. How long has she heard that voice in her dreams? How long has it been since those blue eyes beheld her, aware of who she is? She is afraid to turn, afraid to face a dream that will vanish in the morning light. She shouldn’t be here, shouldn’t have come. He deserves a life free from the trials and travails of a hero’s lot, and she will never ever be able to give that to him.

“It is you, isn’t it? I know you felt it just now, whatever it was. Just turn around, please. Look at me.”

Her feet have no will of their own as she slowly shifts to face him. Agony is written in her eyes, and she has not the strength to hide it. His own expression, when at last she beholds him in her sight, is naked confusion and something she can’t name. Her hood drops away from her face, leaving her exposed to his scrutiny. She licks her parched lips, trying to find any words that could possibly be enough between them.

“Yeah, it’s me.” Her voice is hoarse and raspy. “I’m sorry.”

Ardbert takes a step closer, his brow furrowing. “Sorry? For what?” 

“I--” 

A sudden wave of exhaustion nearly knocks her off her feet. A bone-deep weariness settles in her like a stone, bearing her down to the ground. Too much, it’s all too much, when all she wants to do is cry. Her ears catch the sound of dirt gravel crunching beneath boots approaching her as the world spins, and she falls into darkness as the ground rushes up to meet her.

Ardbert watches her as she sleeps, sitting on the edge of the inn room bed as she lays curled on her side where he’d laid her some two hours before after her collapse. It’s a familiar feeling, as though he’s done this before, standing guard by her side until her waking hours return. He thinks of the look on her face as he’d confronted her, such anguish in her eyes that pierced to the heart of him. He remembers her burden, what once was his, and feels guilty. 

As he wonders what has befallen her since that day in the Dying Gasp, an unruly finger rises to brush the bangs from her face. His hand lingers overlong, content to caress the soft skin of her brow. She stirs beneath his touch, sighing into wakefulness as her eyes grudgingly open. He does not withdraw, hesitating as her groggy gaze meets his.

“Ardbert?” Her voice is quiet, almost timid.

He makes a noise of confirmation, and she lets out a long breath. Alannah looks at him then, her uncanny green eyes making him dizzy. There is a long moment of silence between them as they memorize the other’s features, drinking in all that they have missed in their separation.

“Are you alright?” he murmurs, feeling oddly protective of a woman whose deeds and power are unrivaled. 

Her face crumples, as though she is about to cry. He knows just how much it costs her to answer with a tiny “no.” She buries her face into the pillow, great sobs wracking her body as her hands clench and unclench in the blankets. Before she can curl into herself, Ardbert pulls her against him, wrapping his arms around her tight and murmuring words of comfort into her hair. 

They lay like this for a long time, until she is drained of her tears. 

She slumps against him, with no will or energy to move. Her breathing eventually evens out, her body shuddering one last time. “I tried to stay away,” she confesses, “but I keep coming back. I had to know that you were okay. And…” she pauses, a knot of fear in her throat. “I missed you,” she whispers, hiding her face again.

He frowns and gently pries her away from his chest. “Why would you stay away? Shouldn’t a hero have free reign to visit the world she’s saved?” 

He sees the bitterness in her face for the first time as she answers. “You should have a free life. One far away from me and all the horror I bring with me, and all the things you left behind. Me being here...just seeing me brought back your memories of all of that. In my selfishness, I’ve ruined the life you deserve. Because I couldn’t stay away.”

It takes him a moment to gather his thoughts, with lips pursed and brow furrowed. 

“A life with you in it could never be ruined,” he tells her softly. “I would rather have you here, and know all the evil of the world, than live in ignorance without you.”

She gazes at him, stricken, as though not daring to believe. A war within her rages on her face as she absorbs his words, torn between what she knows and what he offers. 

Ardbert smiles, a tinge of sadness touching his expression as he runs a hand through her hair. “You have saved everything I have ever held dear, and did what I could not.”  At this she stringently objects, shaking her head violently. “You saved me,” she says in a broken voice, tears returning to her eyes. 

He has no words for what he wants to tell her, so he brings his fingertips to her face, tenderly swiping away her stray tears. They trail from her brow to her cheeks, descending to her chin as he tilts his head toward hers. 

The first touch of their lips is tentative and slow, a gentle press as his hand slips between the strands of her hair to support her neck. A light sparks between them, ebullient in its brilliance, a radiant reminder of Her blessing that they share. A brief pause for breath, then the kiss becomes something more. He is pressing her down, the warmth of him surrounding her, a homecoming that she has not felt in years.

Moments pass, or hours, neither of them know. She forgets her name, her titles, the weight of the world. All are distant stars in the sky as she lays in his arms. 

She touches him too, tracing the line of his jaw and the landscape of his chest. There cannot be enough kisses between them. Soft kisses, long kisses, passionate and devouring. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” she confesses as they shed their clothing, hungry for closeness. 

He breathes against her neck, as uncertain as she is, only knowing that every cell in his body begs to be closer, closer. Easing himself into his elbows above her, he smiles at her reassuringly, leaving a chaste kiss on her lips. “If you tell me to stop, I will.” 

She nods her head nervously, already winding her limbs around his. A sweet ache builds and builds in her chest as he moves in her, ‘til it brings her near to tears. “I…” Mere words are not enough for this moment, unneeded as their souls rejoice. 

“Stay with me,” she gasps, undone and unraveling. “Please, please stay.” 

His lips curve against her collar, nipping at her skin. Ardbert raises his head to look at her, heat piercing him at the sight of her tangled hair and wild eyes. He kisses her again before rolling onto his back, bringing her with him. As she lays on his chest, panting for breath, he presses one palm to her hip and the other to her face. 

“As long as you will have me, Warrior of Light,” he kisses her forehead, “I will be at your side.”

[scatterbrainuk]

Okay so I’ve read the World Turned Upside Down book, seen the posters and teases released and finished the comic, so now comes all the theories lol. (Spoilers)

I know I’m late posting theories but its been hard getting time to write them down. So here goes.

 WARNING: SPOILERS FOR THE COMIC & THE TEASE FROM THE COMPANION BOOK FOLLOW

  1.       The Rats. We all know by this point one of the episodes is titled Mall Rats, and its unlikely the title is talking about kids hanging out at the mall. The poster pretty much confirms this as running towards whatever horror has escaped the upside down are many rats. When Hopper found that large chamber in the tunnels there were multiple piles of bones and furred flesh from the wildlife that had either stumbled into or been dragged into the tunnels to feed the vines and Demodogs. So its possible that some rats may have entered the tunnel, made contact with the upside down atmosphere that could carry the Mindflayers essence/virus/whatever and become infected/possessed like Will was. The only thing that debunks this is that everything connected to the mind flayer supposedly died when the gate closed, which would mean any rats infected should have died as well. Another possibility is that some rats may have made it through the tunnel all the way to the gate and entered into the upside down where they have been corrupted and mutated by the Mindflayer ready for when the gate is reopened. Which comes to my next theory (we’ll come back to the rats later):

2.       How the creature(s) crossover. One thing that has never been established is how the original Demogorgon from season 1 opened those mini gates (they don’t have a name so im going with it) whenever it snatched prey and took them to the upside down. I say minigates because unlike THE gate these ones were small and closed themselves after an amount of time. The Demogorgon opened at least 3 in the byers home itself. It also used ones we didn’t see it open like the one it used to catch Barb & the one in the woods with the deer. Janes the one who originally opened the first gate after making contact with it but afterwards it seemed to be able to open any gate it wanted whenever it caught the scent of blood. But then in the comics we see Will finding the mini gate he talks to Joyce through in season 1, though its not fully formed and more like a window. Now it wasn’t till season 2 we learned that the Demogorgon & everything “alive” in the upside down is just a vessel for the mindflayer to control, so did it inherit the ability to open gates or did it lose that ability when that particular Demogorgon was destroyed? In season 2 it already had a stable gate that didn’t close after a while so it may not have seen the need to use it & focused on expanding into Hawkins through its tunnels. On the other hand if it doesn’t have that ability maybe the creature(s) will cross through a random minigate that opens if they do indeed still open. Again what debunks the minigate theory is that everything from the upside down appeared to die when the gate was closed, so if there are minigates to the upside down there should have been a “signal” that would have kept them alive. That being said we never saw what became of that piece of the mindflayer that was exorcised from Will in the cabin. Maybe because it’s a piece of the mind flayer itself it is able to survive the gate closing and took possession of those rats to survive, slowly growing its shadowy essence/virus through them and its goal of the season is to get Jane to reopen the gate.

3.       The Poster’s Monster. We can only see what might be part of two arms or legs and its knee’s/elbows. But if you can find a good enough picture you can see all the disgusting detail of what I think it might be made of & what its name might be. Remember the rats running towards it? I think their running to become part of it. Those little thin protrusions running up and down the limbs look very much like tiny ribcages don’t they? Also I cant find a clear enough picture online but someone had a close up pointing to one of the rats on their Instagram story & I swear I can see a rat face near one of its knees/elbows. In the World Turned Upside Down book the sneak peak mentioned that this season would have some disgusting body horror moments reminiscent of The Fly which I took to mean that it would be a human going through a disgusting transformation, but know I wonder if whatever escapes the upside down or has been in hiding since season 2 is slowly building itself a new body out of the rats it has infected. Then as it gets bigger it starts looking for other bodies to assimilate/mutate.  This also fits into a real life disgusting phenomenon that is also the name of a Dungeons & Dragons monster: THE RAT KING. In real life a rat king is created when a large swarm of rats is so big that multiple rats end up getting their tails knotted together through having to crawl over & around each other in tight spaces. Google it but be warned its pretty gross since they do not survive as they cannot move and get to food/water whilst stuck & in some cases their feces have glued some of them together. The D&D equivalent doesn’t have a picture but is basically a wererat. Doesn’t match what I’ve just described but since when has any of the creatures from the upside down looked like the D&D monster their named after? Another thing that makes me think it’s a cluster of bodies is from one of the pages of the last issue of the comic series. Its hard to tell if what Will is seeing once he’s connected to the mindflayer via that vine in his mouth (that’s also impregnating him with baby Dart) is real since earlier he was hallucinating that he actually was Will the wise but I cant help but notice how similar the horror he is seeing has a similar look to our mystery monsters limbs. I feel like this whole section is a tease of whats to come & just how many worlds the mindflayer has taken (WTF is that massive jaw bone from?!!)  

I have more theories on other stuff but this has taken long enough to write so think I’ll stop there for now. I don’t know which I want more when season 3 hits: for my theories to be true or for them to be something else entirely. I just hope whatever answers are revealed they make sense within the world the Duffers have created.

[isowillc610]

Read the quote then the last paragraph

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us." Several weeks ago I wrote down a list of things that I wanted to be. I wrote down everything I wanted to accomplish. A couple days later. I started to smoke and drink a lot and I didn't realize why. Just a few days ago I realized...when I wrote down the person I am meant to be. It scared the fuck out of me because I believed I did not have the ability to achieve what I wanted of myself. I subconsciously started to think, if I never start to try to achieve my goals I will not disappoint myself by failing. I finally realized that I cannot hold myself back. I realized... I had to move forward and that requires me to let go.... to let go of the person that actually triggered the process of me wanting to be better, me wanting to be the best form of myself. It doesn't make sense does it? To let go of the one who is the catalyst for me wanting change myself. But I have to because....I love her...and the longer I hold on.... the more painful it gets. I know I will never lose her because I feel her in my heart. But god do I miss her. I miss her so much that I constantly feel this empty feeling in my chest. I miss her so much I have grown a lot of white hair. I miss her... but like I told her way back...its not our time yet....these past couple weeks have been hard. Sleepless nights, feeling of pain and feeling down a lot but I know all of it is temporary. And thats why I try and keep pushing forward....Its funny, none of my friends know what is really going through my mind every single day. They don't know the constant pain I am trying endure without drinking and smoking, hell I drink and smoke every now and then just because the pain becomes so unbearable but I know I dont want to rely on any of that. Im sure they would think I am crazy if they knew what I was always thinking about but then again I am sure they know. They know I am thinking about her... they know I have this drive in me to be with her... but they dont know I am trying to let her go.......... When I close my eyes I just imagine me and her and all the pain goes away. I read some posts I wrote way back about her and I laughed and had tears in my eyes because I love the memories I wrote about. I love what I felt in those moments. I remember feeling and thinking that if the world stopped at that moment, I would have lived my life to the fullest.. and that was the exact moment me and her eyes made contact. I remember everything blurring around her. I remember feeling numb all around my body. I remember her signaling me to follow her float and I signaled her to give me a minute because it felt like I had to remember how to walk and breathe. I stood there for a minute as the float went further and I finally got the feeling back in my whole body...At that moment... I knew.... To all the chasers and runners out there who will hopefully read this last paragraph. Above is an example of the nonsensical thoughts of a chaser who is trying to learn to let go but at the same time hold on. Above is me trying to understand what is going through my head. As I have read and I am sure many of you have to. A twin flame experience makes you think you are going crazy. I will tell you right now...it is painful, it is confusing, it will scare the life out of you.... but you will learn everything about yourself and you will learn to be stronger than you have ever been. To all the chasers out there, let go, let go and focus on being the person you always wanted to be and don't do it for them. Do it because you deserve to be happy and you do not deserve to be waiting around and loathing in pain, sadness, and anger. Do it because you do not hate your runner, you love them even if you think you hate them for leaving or for hurting you. To all the runners out there, I have spoken to a runner and I have learned the other side. I know you feel EXACTLY what we feel. You feel the pain, you feel the empty pit, you may or may not even know that you are running but understand... your chaser loves you every single day, every single moment. Even if they say they hate you, even if they start to run, even if they feel like they never want to see or hear from you ever again. To all the runner and chasers, don't focus on the end of the story, focus on the steps ahead of you. Dont focus on the future between the two of you, focus on your future and your aspirations because everything else will fall into place.

[rennyji]

so despite me saying to "act natural" hundreds of times over these 11+years and recently, people prefer to take the effort, and waste the energy, to do what the orchestrators say, and act in a manner that suits the "project/program/situation."-

-acting natural requires nothing from U. Just be U; don't hide that this "situation" for 11+ years occurred; and go by what comes to mind when U see me, or by a direct conversation/interaction. Simple. You can stop wasting your time on this pointless endeavor to pervert my life.-

-if that's too hard, go F*k urself. 11+ years of saying it? - I think is enough.

moving on...normal tweets...-

Bronxville Pondfield Road has several stores on both sides of the street. From outside, nice looking buildings, and you suspect the insides are about quality stuff. But the parking situation is ridiculous. To shop and spend money, U have to spend money on parking at the meters-

- &theres only like 20 meter parking spaces 4all these stores. Shouldn't the landlords or whoever contemplate the business that these stores are losing from lack of parking? -

-U drive all the way there, find out no parking...what do U do? Drive in circles until some1 vacates their meter parking space? What a waste of time...someone should do something for such a busy area...

Try drinks from Rebbl...they can be coffee substitutes...you can get them at ShopRite, but Wegmans has more variety in that brand...They're pretty expensive, but I hope if more people buy them or see their value, eventually the price will go down... https://rebbl.co/

I miss the days when Starbucks had an online store. Could have fresh coffee beans delivered to your residence...now you gotta go all the way to the store...-wait...did i tweet that already? if so, sorry for the repeat...

If you have an Alexa device, search the “Echo Wall Clock” on Amazon. It sets itself, especially when daylight savings time.

Have a “Hey Google” device? Try the “Philips Hue” smart bulb and multicolor smart bulb. The multicolor one provides different colors to the room on a “Hey Google” command. Search Amazon...

Im not sure if the orchestrators areTrying 2get me 2buy stuff or not, buts its like, from boxers to undershirts to socks to fleeces to shirts-theyve all goneMissing. I mean I know I had a ton of theseThings, when they all randomlyDisappear from ur laundry, U justThink, now what?!

so heard about the Blum Center and gave advice on healthier living...while their products are expensive, you learn about the benefits of all sort of stuff, even simple things like chia seeds and fiber and how they can keep you full and aid with morning bathroom rituals...- - from talk in previous tweet, this is the Blum Center's link: https://blumcenterforhealth.com/

John Douillard and his LifeSpa in Colorado (offering Skype meetings) can also aid with better lifestyles and healthier living. It's rooted in Ayurveda and Yoga and Meditation. Check out their site: https://lifespa.com/

Nothing like 90s music on Spotify...with the exception of their 2010s playlist for hits, Spotify is an indicator to me that music has gone downhill...

There’s something very attractive to me about a bottle of coke vs. the can... it’s just...aesthetically pleasing and tasty...

so there's like 10-20 normal tweets below. twitter has the most recent tweet on top. scroll down for the starting tweet with today's date... My twitter handle is @RennyJi or you can not follow me on twitter and still read with the web link: twitter dot com slash rennyji

in addition to the morning normal tweets, a thought-

So from my old complaints to the police elaborating on the science of a situation, it turns out I left out something that became transparent to me recently: This concept of filters people see through or the figurative lenses on the glasses they wear. -

-Years ago, I think there was something about me being a sweetheart and in need of friends( by a girl and her friends, a school, who cares, at this point)...ok...ummm..reality being, i see the concept of friends and relationships just like the next person: through fate, destiny,-

-or something as simple as bumping into someone repeatedly at a coffeeshop, you meet people.(Not by “the situation” discussing your whereabouts and timing. What I said is how things naturally happen and the “back to before all this/back to normal” idea that I’m after, along with not hiding anything) To see me, through the lens that I’m on some kind of endeavor to be an American icon, make everyone my -

-friend- well, that doesn’t match my goals, interests or personalities. In all that I do being relayed (probably, I dunno), maybe from my Twitter, you heard from me about how I kept a girl in my prayers; -

-maybe you heard since my childhood best friend/girl friend moved away, I’ve been on a lifelong quest for a replacement; maybe from the orchestrators you heard I can be loving to my sibling...-

-from the orchestrators, you see me as a, I guess, f* me, a sensitive caring male. From my stories, maybe you know my values. -

-But bear in mind, these are aspects or sides to a multifaceted personality, just like everyone else. Who I share the above sides or personas with, are my loved ones (family/friends). -

-So this raises the problem of who is my audience, when I or someone on my behalf, says things. I keep saying talk to me directly, because how I may be with you individually, may be different from a painting of my identity, for better or worse.-

-So two things thus far...what lens/ filter are you seeing me through? Next question, are you the intended audience? And all of this boils down to reputation. The concept of a person’s status in society, their reputation globally is something people work very hard for. -

-It is my intention to sue the orchestrators for soiling my reputation. Understanding this, they are of the belief, by relaying my life, a reputation will follow. But then the concept of audiences, filters, all rise again. -

-You*re making my reputation as America’s son/friend.-Not interested, beyond the Golden Rule. I renounce being an American, after what your people did, and I uphold my Indian heritage.  11 years of my life...hmmm...yeah I feel like the orchestrators are prostituting my life. -

-Im in a crazy situation. A 90 year old b*tch & her possibly lesbian passenger give me the OK to take a parking space. I go out to take it. She then stops me w/her car randomly, while the tool of a couple behind me shake their hands 4 me, to ignore the parking, and drive ahead.-

-I had my signal on, I was moving toward the space before all this happened ...you know, be it because of a “situation” or the filter this white woman sees “herself “through, she is not my boss, and her attitude on the road would only succumb to my attitude. -

-What does she think of herself? That disgusting nasty face she made. Does she see herself as superior? The nerve. All after she tells me to take the space, and then decides to take it herself. -

-The orchestrators tell family, friends, strangers to give me something to read into...it’s mind exploding because you expect me to take the bait and keep writing...I’ve praised women in my speech and in my writing, over their beauty and value in a mans life. -

-Like today, at a stop sign, driving home or taking a short cut elsewhere, saw a gorgeous tan blonde smiling. Seeing someone like her, for herself, can brighten any mans day, like a day of sunlight. But it should naturally happen.

-But that said, I’ve shown a value, a side. For some, it’s an opportunity to overestimate ur self worth. I am not desperate, despite throwing myself across the table. -

In this world, without sacrificing my dignity, from one extreme to another, I can arrange a marriage, or if it was about getting laid, pay someone. I aim to do things the right way. But then I see the 90 year old and idiot middle aged American women on the side of them -

-road involving themselves in this aforementioned parking attempt. Your rosy lives are ur rosy lives. I live in reality unlike whatever cloud You live on, while being a victim of abuse by the American orchestrators. So, Keep a check on ur attitudes in response in reading this.-

-Years ago, and now, I’ll say it again to my surroundings, I am a practitioner of the Golden Rule. I respect those who respect me. Some of you, in your world of games, please go waste someone else’s time. An American icon? A paragraph ago, -

- I explained how I see friends, because of randomness being flung on me like sh*t out of a toilet, for the purpose of constantly explaining things. -

-I make myself available, when and where, to anyone who’s anyone. The orchestrators want to dictate who can glance at me or make me approachable. Childish nonsense. Not out to make myself any more approachable than I am.

- Now I need some kind hearted person to talk to me and tell me what's going on. That Im not out of my mind. If ur waiting for this cr*p to be over, none of you will ever see me. I mean, I'm after peace of mind, and when I needed you, in the way that I did, you were never there.

-The orchestrators may tell you to so called "support me" by doing this/that...but that is not from me, may not even match the plan of the day. I honestly cannot make out what they're saying. -

If I'm right about stuff, its through coincidence or me figuring things out on my own. From any of you, the community, All I'm asking is for you to be a true American at heart and do the hard thing of telling me what's going on.-

-Thats the only thing I ever needed. Ud be a lifelong friend&hero. After this, w/my lawsuitMoney, Ill be on some privateEstate, far away, from these past ridiculous places of America. All I wanted 4 all these yrs  is peace of mind & the Mutual Respect that the orchestrators took.-

-But going back to what I was saying, at the end of the day, beyond family and loved ones, I am not your friend or your enemy, or even paying attention to the cr*p left for me to read into. That stuff is between you and the orchestrators you blindly and ridiculously follow.-

-If you are not talking to me directly, then you are not helping me. Playing with your phone won’t make you a saint-for the orchestrators, in the past, I called this the American idol mentality. You think by voting for someone to win, you’re altruistic.-

-Save your energy, direct it towards someone who will appreciate it, or do something constructive. I’ve given my spheel about “being natural without hiding anything.” That’s the only help I seek. End of the day, you be you, I’ll be me. -

-At the beginning of this &now, Ive made it clear, not out of anger, spite, or because Im fresh out of some troubling incident: mind your own business. I don’t want you in my life, and to be honest, I don’t want to be in your heads either beyond the practice of the Golden Rule.-

-Get at me (Slang), or kindly get lost (Literal).-

-These sounds tell me they’re going to “do away” with me. The extent, depth, seriousness of that I dunno. (But if I’m to meet my end, I want the Americans to know this much from me, amidst the clouds you live on. -

-At the end of this, you all and the kid sounding faction of the orchestrators are in for a surprise. Really walked into it, as  you'll figure out, soon enough.)-

-Ur faces or reactions or gestures do not match up to my writings, what I’m being told, etc.(this part goes to everyone, but especially my parents- I feel these people (orchestrators) are lying to you regarding their intentions and what they direct at me.)

-From past complaints being relevant in the present day or not, not gonna elaborate on past things after this. Way too much time for something I’m not willingly taking part in or interested in. Take care.

ending it for today with a few normal tweets -

Coffee machines with adjustable strength settings...expensive, but worth it!

getting a starbucks card, or memberships with doordash or massage places can be rewarding...

a person can say/do 10,000 good things, and being human, do 1 bad thing...but through human nature, other people will only remember/consider the bad thing without thinking things through...